First appearance: S4E7 — Wings — Misery v Daisy Bloom · watch it on YouTube
Daisy Bloom, the self-proclaimed Beacon of Village Town, was a plate-armored paladin who arrived in The Void armed with two warhammers, three lanterns, a glow stick and “the power of friendship and love and light.” Pitted against the walking grief known as Misery in S4E7 — Wings — Misery v Daisy Bloom, she spent the whole fight trying to make him her best friend. Along the way she told a deeply alarming backstory about slurping up her parents’ blood, prayed to Criss Angel, and summoned a moth inside her own body. She lost her head for it, literally, but few champions have ever gone out quite so committed to the bit.
Story
Daisy stepped through the Grandmaster’s blood portal into The Dread Fortress, where The Shadow King was grilling ribs in his throne room. She announced that her favorite sauce was ketchup, insisted her makeup “is not makeup, I was born this way,” and claimed a destiny unlike anyone else’s: dead parents, a mysterious patron, and a calling to save the world. The Grandmaster advised her to “smother them in friendship if you get my drift.” When Misery said he no longer enjoyed food, Daisy happily claimed his share of the ribs (“Well, I’ll have yours!”) and pocketed every bone. In a dusty, abandoned excavation site, with The Acolytes cheering overhead, she opened with “Let’s dance!” Misery promptly shoved her to the ground and landed a brutal blow.
Daisy scrambled toward the arena’s only patch of life, a tiny cactus garden in pink and yellow bloom, and lay among the cacti in “a very vogue moment.” There she summoned her steed, a glowing mid-sized moth wearing a harness she called “a shitty bra,” which lifted her a heroic six inches off the ground. When Daisy asked its name, it answered “Janet,” and rose to seven inches on the power of friendship. Misery cut Janet apart the next round, and the moth dissolved into butterflies and dust that drifted into the stands. Daisy insisted this only empowered her, since everyone had now inhaled a little Janet. She then explained her origin: as a child she was orphaned by a supernatural force of evil and chosen by “this, like, alien.” Lying between her eviscerated parents, she slurped up “a couple liters maybe” of their blood mixed with dirt, then “took out like 15 villages.” The Grandmaster, who “can’t even drink one liter of 7-Up,” concluded she had lost her mind, and the crowd rewarded the story.
Misery shoved her into the cacti, packing needles into the joints of her plate, her armpits and the backs of her knees. Daisy tore up the plants and fought with them, “dual fisting cactuses,” hitting once, grazing once, and stabbing herself once. Pelted by the Acolytes’ pocket junk and given name-brand Heelys by the Grandmaster, she kept swinging. She tested Misery’s sand-blinded eyes with a rude gesture, then flipped behind him and warhammered him “from the back,” the first time she’d attacked without hurting herself (“Every day, we get better”), then knelt behind him praying to Criss Angel. That divine protection held even after Misery cried into The Box of Chaos and got a Vorpal Greatsword out of it. She followed it with a forward roll beneath him, swinging both hammers at his pelvis “kind of like if a wheel had warhammers on it.”
When Misery finally broke through her protection with three swings of the void-black blade, Daisy made her last stand. Reaching into the Void, she opened the portal over her own mouth and summoned the moth inside her body to break through her flesh: its arms ripped through her torso and ribcage, its wings speared out of her back, and antennae came out of her ears. She became 12% moth: prismatic eyes, antennae, fluffy hair and great wings on top, with human legs below. Clinging to life by a thread, she flew up, caught Misery in her “strapping thighs” and tried to snap his neck, croaking “Friends forever!” in a newly deep moth voice. His neck creaked but held. Misery turned his next hit into a fatal stroke. With a trail of viscera following them through the air, he held her head in place while he told her she didn’t deserve this pain, guided her back down, embraced her and walked away, and then her head fell off.
Personality and Abilities
Daisy was sunny, oblivious and unshakeable, a parody of every chosen-one hero (“I’ve been chosen so many times now that it’s just, it’s a lot”). Beneath the cheer ran a vein of pure chaos: the blood-drinking, the villages, the calming effect of mobs. She was devoted to Criss Angel, kept a poster of him and prayed to him mid-combat, though the Grandmaster pointed out “He’s not your patron.” She admitted to being over 30, which made forward rolls “always a question.”
In battle she fought with two warhammers and, when the arena allowed, cacti. She had plenty of protection magic but no healing, which she lamented loudly. She spoke Primordial to her steeds and was hopeless at handling animals. She claimed she pulled a different steed from the Void each time (“today it was Janet but tomorrow it could be Steven”). Her signature trick was summoning that steed internally to fuse with it, a move christened at the table as “Find Steed [Internal].”
Relationships
- Misery: Her opponent and intended best friend. He pitied and envied her joy, briefly took her side against the hosts, and ultimately killed her as gently as he could.
- Janet: Her moth steed and “friend,” slain by Misery and inhaled by the crowd.
- Grandmaster Elusia Skypiercer: Encouraged her murderous friendship, gave her name-brand Heelys, and found her backstory deeply disturbing.
- The Shadow King: Fed her ribs and insisted the Heelys were “the name brand ones,” then asked “Has anyone ever seen me and Chris Angel in the same place?”
Memorable Quotes
“I have dead parents and a mysterious patron and I’ve been chosen to save the world and that’s never happened to anyone before.” (S4E7)
- “You can shove me all you want, but I’ll always get back up.” (S4E7)
- “But the cactus always gets you in the end, baby.” (S4E7)
- “I mean, we could still be monsters together. As long as we’re together.” (S4E7)
- “I’ve got moth benefits and human benefits at the same time. This is a great time to be alive.” (S4E7)
- “Don’t let people get close to you because that’s literally what killed me. But also don’t try to get away from them either because attack of opportunity, so just forward roll.” (S4E7, Dried Blood)