First appearance: S1E4 — Multiclass — Kleen v Ivanna Kishu · watch it on YouTube
Kleen is a warlock who serves the genie he calls Mr. Kleen and was pulled into the Void to fight Ivanna Kishu in S1E4 — Multiclass — Kleen v Ivanna Kishu. He was a self-described glass cannon who fought from as far away as the arena allowed. He won the match and the title “Master Kleen.” Then he turned his victory lap into a literal shitstorm.
Story
Kleen came through the portal when The Arbiter clapped, and his introduction was short. “My name is Kleen. I am a warlock, Pact of the Genie. And I am here to battle. That’s the whole spiel.” He had an imp familiar with him and a simple plan for the fight. “It’s going to get dirty. And then very clean.” The Grandmaster offered prizes, and Ivanna was promised the finest eyeball juice dish from the house chef. Kleen asked for chocolate ice cream with no eyeballs. The Grandmaster insisted the eyeballs are what make it good.
The arena was Kirken’s Mine, a frozen mine far in the north. The Acolytes opened the fight by pelting both champions with snacks, toilets and anything else they had. Kleen dodged most of it and was hit only by a Dorito, popcorn and, inevitably, a banana. From then on he kept his distance. He sent his imp up to scout, hit Ivanna with three bolts of Eldritch Blast and teleported to the top of a 20-foot pillar. His blasts could reach 600 feet, and the Arbiter said that “might as well be 10 kilometers.” When Ivanna turned into a hippogriff, his first blast struck perfectly, and the three together knocked her straight out of the form. She got back up anyway. She brushed her hair to heal herself and came back as a striped dire wolf, which the Arbiter shielded in ice “out of the kindness of my own heart” (he had a small wager on her).
The middle of the fight hurt Kleen’s dignity more than his body. During a round when everyone had to speak Pig Latin or take a rock from the Arbiter, he jumped off a high ledge and twisted his ankle. He wrapped himself in flame to stay warm and then limped through Ivanna’s ice storm. His luck turned when he spotted steam rising from her hiding place in a snowdrift. In the snow he found an ice-cored snowball that the Arbiter called “a game ender.” He tucked it away (“I will set my balls into my pants”) and threw more blasts at her, this time shaped like a bald man with an earring, while he shouted, “There is no Kleen like Mr. Kleen!” He took on his genie’s traits, rose into the air and floated well out of reach. Ivanna answered by calling lightning down on him.
Bored by how far apart the two champions were, the Arbiter buried the mine in an avalanche and forced them out onto a swaying bridge 80 feet above a frozen waterfall. There Kleen hit her with three blasts, one of them a perfect strike, and the ice snowball on top, pulling the fight almost even. He tried to retreat again, and the Grandmaster walled off both ends of the bridge with snowbanks. “You can fly up, but you cannot fly out.” Kleen landed in the middle and called, “Come at me, Ivanna.” With the crowd’s favor behind him, he stood 15 feet from her and unloaded everything: “Then let us end this.” Ivanna collapsed into the snow. Her last words were “You stinky balls. I don’t want to kiss you.” The Grandmaster praised him for “holding back until the very end.” He was declared “a true Kleener” and crowned Master Kleen. Earlier the Arbiter had been sentenced to clean the stands’ toilets, at least 52 of them, and someone had even pooped in the stands. Kleen used Prestidigitation to lift the filth of all 52 toilets into the clouds and rain it down on the spectators. “So you’re telling me this is a shitstorm?” asked the Grandmaster. The crowd shielded their eyes and mouths from the poop rain and ended up in a mud-and-poop fight, and Kleen went off to get his chocolate ice cream.
Personality and Abilities
Kleen is deadpan, brief and quietly pleased with himself. He is very particular about his name: Mr. Kleen is his patron, and he is just Kleen. It is not short for anything, including “Kleenzington.” He called himself “a glass cannon,” and at the table his player admitted, “My character is literally a camper.” He fought that way. He picked a high, distant perch and blasted until someone made him stop.
His magic comes from his genie patron. His main weapon is a long-range Eldritch Blast that ignores most cover and, when he wants, takes the shape of a bald man with an earring. He can teleport short distances, cloak himself in flame that lights up the dark and keeps out the cold, and take on his genie’s traits to fly and shrug off blunt blows. He also carries a confusion spell, an imp familiar and the small tricks of Prestidigitation, which he put to infamous use. In the mine he added a found ice snowball to his arsenal.
Relationships
- Ivanna Kishu: His opponent, an aasimar druid who flirted, healed and refused to stay down. He killed her on the bridge.
- Grandmaster Elusia Skypiercer: She hosted his match, boxed him in when he ran, crowned him Master Kleen and promised him chocolate ice cream.
- The Arbiter: He pulled Kleen into the Void, buried the arena in an avalanche and got stuck with the toilet duty that Kleen offered to help with “after I win.”
- The Acolytes: The crowd pelted him with snacks, demanded he take a rock to the face, gave him their favor and then got rained on with the poop from their own toilets.
Memorable Quotes
- “It’s going to get dirty. And then very clean.” (S1E4)
- “I am a glass cannon.” (S1E4)
- “There is no Kleen like Mr. Kleen!” (S1E4)
- “Sir or just Kleen? Mr. Kleen is my patron. I’m just Kleen.” (S1E4)
- “I think it was proven that I am the real Mr. Kleen. And also, how many toilets are we talking about?” (S1E4)