First appearance: S3E9 — Fire Heart — Alyndra Morlynn v Minh Lý · watch it on YouTube
Minh Lý, “the Freshmaker,” was a champion who winked his way into the Deathmatch with a ribbon on his sword and muscles that left the crowd and even Gerald weak at the knees. He fought Alyndra Morlynn beside a roaring waterfall and spent most of the match cheering her on as much as cutting her down. When her prize meteor storm burned the valley to ash, his final act was to heal her and shield her from the blast. It turned a silly brawl into one of the most heartfelt endings the arena has seen.
Story
S3E9 — Fire Heart — Alyndra Morlynn v Minh Lý
Minh stepped through the Arbiter’s portal into the Dread Fortress striking a pose, his longsword bare but tied with “a really dainty ribbon.” He announced that “this one better be good, because I’ve been waiting for it,” then lost his heart at once to Doug, who sniffed his toe and danced around the ribbon. Minh swore he would kill everyone in the room if anything happened to the dog, which the Grandmaster called “a fighter after my own heart.” After a goblin painter rendered the champions and the photobombing Arbiter as three stick figures, and the hosts pitched the Fortress’s dental plan and generous time off, Minh decided he would “try to die less now.”
In the waterfall arena he went first and stripped to the waist, explaining that “you don’t need armor when you have mage armor.” His preening made a whole row of Acolytes, rows K through L, faint in a wave. One of them blew him a lucky kiss, and he soon had the crowd chanting “Freshmaker, Freshmaker” (which drifted, inevitably, into “French Baker” and “fresh bacon”), while the Acolytes threw their bras, their underwear and their stinky socks onto the field. Alyndra knocked him flat early on, and when Doug’s giant brother Chet arrived, Minh fled on his knees and elbows through the tree roots to the waterfall’s edge. He recovered by speeding himself up with magic and hurling himself across the river to the Box of Chaos. There he flexed so hard his shield popped off into the box as his offering. Gerald fanned himself with it (“That was fucking hot. I’ll be right back”), handed back a suit of poison-resistant armour, and went off to do bicep curls. Minh wore the armour as bicep bandanas and a belt to keep his abs in place.
Minh’s kindness was not always well aimed. He fed Chet a piece of his protein bar before remembering it was sweetened with something poisonous to dogs, and Alyndra had to save the beast with a Heimlich. When she then won a scroll of Meteor Swarm and sat on the box so he couldn’t reach it, Minh dropped a Fireball on both of them. He promptly failed to dodge his own spell, then shrugged it off on a second try (“This is a spicy meatball”). He boiled the river to steam, landed a smite when she turned her back, and crossed swords with her: “That’s a noble goal, but I’m here for glory too.” The Grandmaster drenched them with cold water that left their nerves twitching. Minh split into three copies of himself, then hit himself instead of her while a voice cackled “Stop hitting yourself!” across the valley.
The Arbiter’s flood washed both champions over the waterfall. It left Minh frozen in place and sinking, because he was too muscular to float, until the Grandmaster tossed him muscle-shaped floaties. When a lucky break brought him back to his feet, Alyndra was in despair over her missed swings, a self-inflicted wound and her mother’s doubts. Minh answered with a speech that ended “Your heart is on fire and that fire is not easily quenched,” and in the same breath hit her with a ball of acid. Choking on it, Alyndra cast Meteor Swarm on them both. Minh grasped her arm (“We’re in this together”), shielded himself with magic and the Grandmaster’s tiny umbrella, and still fell just short of surviving. Burning, he reached for her hand and poured everything he had into healing her, wrapping her in a barrier of pure will that saved her from the last of the fire. Only his shield was left in the ash. In an after-credits beat the Grandmaster let fate decide, and the last glimpse of Minh was something “barely twitching within the pile of ash.” Whether he lived or died was never revealed.
Personality and Abilities
Minh fought bare-chested and glistening, with a ribboned longsword, a shield he later gave away, and a backpack holding nothing but protein bars, almonds and cashews, because “you really want to hit your macros.” He was all charm and no malice. He grinned with “absolute sportsmanship,” played to the crowd at every turn, and kept a soft spot for dogs and for rows K through L. When asked how he looked so good taking a hit, he had a ready answer: “Push-ups, sit-ups, and plenty of juice.”
In battle he was a Bladesinger who mixed swordplay with spellcraft. He could speed himself up, conjure mirror copies of himself, throw up a sudden magical shield, drink in fire and other elements, and hurl Fireballs and spheres of acid. He could also strike with holy force like a paladin and heal with a touch. That last gift, Lay on Hands, decided how his story ended.
Relationships
- Alyndra Morlynn: his opponent, whom he encouraged, burned, and in the end saved with his dying act. She carried away his shield.
- Doug the Pug: Minh loved him on sight and vowed to kill anyone who hurt him.
- The Box of Chaos: Gerald was smitten with Minh’s physique, traded him armour for his shield, and wanted a copy of the painting.
- Grandmaster Elusia Skypiercer: she admired his devotion to Doug, threw him floaties and an umbrella, and declared his story “burned into our hearts.”
- The Acolytes: rows K through L swooned for him and chanted his name.
Memorable Quotes
- “I love this dog. And if anything were to happen to this dog, I would kill everyone in the room.” (Fire Heart)
- “I think I’m going to try to die less now that I’ve heard this.” (Fire Heart)
- “You ain’t seen nothing yet.” (Fire Heart, to Gerald)
- “Your heart is on fire and that fire is not easily quenched no matter the slings and arrows. You’ll survive just like you’ll survive this.” (Fire Heart)
- “We’re in this together.” (Fire Heart)
- “Alyndra, the honor is mine.” (Fire Heart)