First appearance: S2E9 — Bees — Rosa v Veronica · watch it on YouTube
Rosa is a two-and-a-half-foot halfling with long pink hair, a fluorescent bee costume and exactly one plan for the arena: bees. Pulled into the Void to fight Veronica in a desert market city, she danced, lassoed, stung and optimisted her way through one of the strangest Deathmatches on record. She walked out alive, with a new job and a stubborn faith that her horse was a bee.
Story
S2E9 — Bees — Rosa v Veronica
The Arbiter tore open a portal and Rosa bounded through, announcing that it was “fight time” and that her opponent was “going down town.” When the Grandmaster asked what she would bring to the arena, Rosa answered with one word: “Bees.” The Grandmaster’s jaw dropped, and the Arbiter asked whether they had ever had bees before. The match came with a twist: whoever was “it” at the end of each stretch of fighting took a small explosion, and the curse passed by touch. Doug the Pug picked Veronica over her, but Rosa was undeterred. She slipped into “the cutest little bee costume” and strolled into the market “coming downstairs from a bee breakfast with my bee family,” so convincingly that Veronica could barely tell she was there.
When The Acolytes summoned The Box of Chaos in a pillar of yellow and pink flame, Rosa set about talking Veronica into climbing inside it (“if you get in this box, you get a lot of presents… Because I’m a giver”). Pitching didn’t work. When a hot wind carried the stink of camel shit from somewhere in the city, Rosa wondered, “Do you think we can give that to the box?” Then she switched to a rope and “the fishing dance,” and shoved Veronica into the box by sheer stubborn strength. Sacrificing her opponent earned her an Ioun Stone of Absorption and then the Deck of Many Things. The shove also passed the “it” curse to Veronica, who passed it straight on to the box by touching its hand. The box soon became Veronica’s new love, Gerald. Rosa’s luck ran out fast. Riding a polymorphing arena horse she was certain was a giant bee, she fired a “bee cannon” ball of bees at Veronica, then drew from the Deck and pulled the Talons, which disintegrated every magic item she owned, the Deck included. She took it the only way she knew: “Rosa’s an optimist. So, I’m looking at the deck half full.”
Rosa fought on with what she had left. She handed a lit match to one of her bees, which dropped it neatly on a flask of oil by Veronica’s feet. When the Arbiter’s sandstorm blotted out the sun, swept away her steed and sent the Box rolling off like a tumbleweed, she apologised in advance (“you scare the shit out of me. But I think you’re really cool”). Then she ran between Veronica’s legs and slashed at both heels with two daggers. The one that landed was the poisoned dagger she wore as a stinger “off my butt.” Veronica took the poison badly, and the Arbiter observed that she was “allergic to poison, but not bees.” Veronica’s counterattack carved Rosa from shoulder to heel, but in the shelter of a stairwell the two champions began to talk. Rosa floated the idea of overthrowing the hosts, called her lost mount back (introducing him as “Steve, the bee”), and the pair climbed toward the Grandmaster’s platform together. Rosa caught Veronica’s hand when she slipped.
When the Arbiter conjured a swarm of zombie bees out of the sand, Rosa protested, “That’s my thing!” She spread her arms and tried to recruit them. They decided they liked her, though not enough to fight for her. She took a boost off Veronica’s head onto the platform, stood at the Grandmaster’s feet and made her pitch: “I would like to become your Arbiter.” Told the position was filled, she ordered her bees to attack and rolled the worst possible result. The Grandmaster declared the interview failed, but she was charmed by the show both champions had put on. She offered them a different role: starting her bee farm at The Dread Fortress. Rosa accepted at once (“I would love to be your bee farmer”), and nobody died. Her parting words were “Save the bees.”
Personality and Abilities
Rosa is all sunshine and very tight clothing. She wears an eye patch she passes off as a battle wound, though it’s more likely she hurt herself somehow, and she has “only one good eye.” She is cheerful, generous to the point of shoving people into boxes “because I’m a giver,” and genuinely delighted by other people’s talents. When Veronica hit her with a Ray of Frost spun from a strand of hair, Rosa’s reaction was “Ow! God, that’s so cool! How do you do that?” She considers herself “proficient in bees,” with something close to expertise, and she treats a giant bee costume as her identity (“Well, yes, I am a bee”). At one point she stopped dancing only because she was “in concentration mode.”
She is a rogue who can’t do magic, so she fights with daggers, a short sword, a rapier, a sling, a rope, an oil flask and a tinderbox. Her signature trick is a dagger coated in poison she keeps “in my special place,” stuck to the back of her costume as a stinger. She can summon bees, sometimes balled up in her hands for throwing, and twice in one fight her eye proved uncannily sharp. On one look she saw “the entire history of the universe” and also caught Veronica falling through a tarp and pretending it hadn’t happened. On another she saw straight through Veronica’s friendly act to “the vileness behind your actions.”
Relationships
- Veronica: her opponent, who started as a threat and ended as a climbing partner, double-date candidate and fellow bee farmer. At the table, Veronica’s player admitted she had planned to betray Rosa at the end but couldn’t bring herself to do it while Rosa was “in her happy little bee costume.”
- Gerald: Veronica’s new love. Rosa shoved Veronica into him, won two treasures from him, and proposed a double date with him and Veronica.
- Grandmaster Elusia Skypiercer: rejected her job application, then hired her as bee farmer.
- The Arbiter: the job Rosa wanted. He turned her down and sicced zombie bees on the pair.
- Doug the Pug: chose Veronica over her at the start of the match.
- Steve: her loyal steed, a polymorphed arena horse she firmly believes is a giant bee.
Memorable Quotes
- “Bees.” (S2E9)
- “Cover the eye that doesn’t have the eye patch.” (S2E9)
- “Rosa’s an optimist. So, I’m looking at the deck half full.” (S2E9)
- “I’m not gonna lie, you scare the shit out of me. But I think you’re really cool. And I’m really sorry for what I’m about to do.” (S2E9)
- “I would like to become your Arbiter.” (S2E9)
- “Save the bees.” (S2E9)