First appearance: S7E6 — Bone Force — Jerry Bonesman v TD · watch it on YouTube
Seavold is the colossal orc skull outside The Dread Fortress, the rock the Grandmaster’s home is built into. For as long as anyone could remember, it was simply scenery. Then a skeleton champion with very strong feelings about bones asked its name. As the Grandmaster put it, “No one has ever asked its name before.” What followed was the first time The Acolytes had ever seen the Dread Fortress speak, let alone move. It turned out to have opinions, a jaw, and a deeply limited but devastating vocabulary of insults.
Story
S7E6: Bone Force
Seavold entered the story almost by accident during S7E6 — Bone Force — Jerry Bonesman v TD. Jerry Bonesman, a skeleton who could channel the power of the bones around him, eyed the enormous skull but worried about etiquette: “I don’t want to just like, you know, jack another dude’s bone.” The Grandmaster assured him it was fine “as long as you make them happy,” and gave him the name: Seavold, to be said “with just a little bit of energy.” His opponent TD cheered him on: “Jerry, be bold, Seavold.”
Jerry chanted the name, and a pulse of power blew outward from him, scattering dust, duck feathers and “maybe an errant bit of gas from Thea.” Drawing on the bone lord Bonar and on Seavold, he transformed. His skull grew true horns, the tips of his spine jutted out like a movie monster’s, and he declared, “Now I am the great bones man.” As the fight went on, more of Seavold flowed into him. Chaotic unlight from the skull wreathed his form, and Jerry exploded into bone dust that reformed directly in front of TD, because “He’s an honorable bone man. He’s not going to bone from behind.” Later a third eye socket cracked open in his forehead, and he began taking on orcish features. When he fired that new eye’s hex at TD, strange flashes appeared that might have been the history of the skull, or of Seavold himself. Later, Jerry’s bones crackled with raw force “as Seavold continues to empower him.”
Late in the match Jerry went to the source. He prayed: “Seavold, I need you to see me right now. Please see me, please, please… For all the bones, for all the bones, please see me.” His plea landed perfectly. The skull’s eyes lit up, and a jaw rose out of the ground and snapped shut to complete it. Jerry offered his life in exchange for the power to win and to become “the baddest bones in the Dread Fortress.” Seavold was unimpressed: “If you cannot win this fight, why would I want you as a pawn? What good are you to me?” Jerry said he would rather be a knight who protected all undead and all skeletons, “even the ones inside of the people that have flesh still.” Seavold dismissed him anyway, “You are but an ant to me,” and his eyes went dark.
Then TD stepped in on Jerry’s behalf, scolding the skull for stifling the skeleton’s potential and treating him as “nothing more as numbers in their next level up.” That woke Seavold again, this time glaring at both of them: “I will look down on whoever I want. This match is a farce.” He still did not grant Jerry his power. The Acolytes went “absolutely ape shit,” and the Grandmaster declared it a chaos event of the champions’ own making: “Seavold will attack.” Being only a head, with “just a noggin, some good teeth… but that mouth do be talking,” Seavold attacked with words. He called them “training dummy, skeleton fodder, bone dust, calculator,” because he didn’t know many other insults. Both champions weathered the tirade, but it still stung, and the blast of contempt shattered TD’s magical ward. Jerry was awed: “Calculator is wild work. It’s actually diabolical.”
At the table, the hosts admitted that the whole thing had been made up on the spot, and the Arbiter’s player groaned that he now had to work out where the giant orc came from. The Grandmaster’s player had a simpler explanation for how the Fortress ended up in a skull: “We just liked his skull. We’re like snails… we just found the bigger one and we moved into it… Or hermit crabs.”
Personality and Abilities
Seavold is a giant orc skull: no shoulders, no hands, just a head with glowing eyes and, when he decides to use it, a jaw that rises from the ground beneath him. He holds a soul that can be communed with and carries some kind of history, glimpsed only in flashes. He is proud and contemptuous. He sees champions as pawns or ants, demands to know what good they are to him, and refuses to be told whom he may look down on.
His power is real. Channelled through Jerry, it produced horns, a third eye, orcish features and bone-cracking force. His own attack is verbal, and it hits hard enough to break magical protections, even though his insult repertoire stops at about four, one of which is “calculator.”
Relationships
- Jerry Bonesman: Drew on Seavold’s power for most of their match, then begged for his favour directly and was called “an ant” for his trouble.
- TD: Defended Jerry to the skull and was rewarded with contempt and the destruction of their ward.
- Grandmaster Elusia Skypiercer: Owns the skull and gave Jerry its name, noting that no one had ever asked it before.
- The Acolytes: Witnessed the Dread Fortress speak and move for the first time, and lost their minds.
Memorable Quotes
- “If you cannot win this fight, why would I want you as a pawn? What good are you to me?” (S7E6)
- “Seavold. You are but an ant to me.” (S7E6)
- “I will look down on whoever I want. This match is a farce.” (S7E6)
- “Training dummy, skeleton fodder, bone dust, calculator.” (S7E6)