First appearance: S7E10 — Thea’s Adventure (Thea’s Revenge, a one-shot) · watch it on YouTube
Theo (in full, Theo Thracklebolt Thermompolus Thuundar Thed) is Thea’s little brother, a worm from the Hollow with bulbous eyes and no arms. The worms sent him across the Void to find his sister and bring her home, sealed inside a seven-foot warforged mech suit they had built themselves. Worms have no thumbs or hands, so the suit looked impressive and was no good at all. Theo couldn’t turn it around, so he walked everywhere backwards, staring at whoever he had just left without ever breaking eye contact.
Story
The Search
In S7E10 — Thea’s Adventure, Theo knelt before the worms’ council in an asteroid belt, accepted his mission and backed into a portal. He came out knee-deep in the candy sludge of Sugar Hills. He went around the town with a huge scroll showing his own drawing of his sister: a line with two eyes and a smirk, labelled “WORM,” spelled W-Y-E-M. Everyone who saw it read it as a dick with a pube. “Have you seen this dick with a pube?” he asked a respectable gentleman. Then he tripped backwards into a candied hot dog stand and tried to get a kobold candied. The cook, Frank, would only candy a person if you were rich, and Theo was “rich in spirit and in character.”
His search had taken eleven years, five months, thirty-something days and twenty-seven seconds. He had spent seven months stuck in a vending machine he mistook for The Dread Fortress, and thirty-seven days fighting a pigeon named Sean. It ended when Thea ran him over with a stolen 1994 Pontiac Bonneville. She pulled him out of the icing and recognized his eyes: “I know those balls from anywhere. Theo?” The suit’s head and chest popped open. “Thea, it’s me!”
Thea’s Revenge
Theo told his sister the Hollow missed her and feared she had switched sides. He had volunteered to come because he missed her, and the worms, sad for a long time, were now full of determination against The Arbiter. When Thea decided to kill the Arbiter, avenge Mayor Timothy and take the Arbiter’s job, Theo was all in. He wanted to stab him, poke him with big swords and hit him with a big hammer. On the drive he ran the radio, refused to give Thea one of his last names, and was flung through the windshield with her when the car hit a candy cane tree. Together they sculpted four giant gummy gnomes with horns, tails, buttholes and cake butts.
His voice box was wrecked in the crash, so his introduction to the Arbiter came out as static. He searched for the Arbiter walking backwards, missed him despite a perfect roll, flew at him on heel thrusters and watched his sword bounce off the Arbiter’s muscles. He went for the Arbiter’s Italian leather shoes again and again. He lit his sword on fire and then stuck it in the hardening candy. When the Arbiter conjured the lightning ghost of Baron Voltágè, Theo took the bolt. Then, with the suit smoking and “all systems… going critical,” he deployed the family secret: the Thermopolis. He ran into the Arbiter and his burning sword at once to blow the suit, failed to jump clear, and vaporized himself, his sister and all of Sugar Hills. His last words were “I always wanted to play the violin!”
The Arbiter rewound time. In the negotiation that followed, he reshaped Theo into an imp like Thea but with only hands and no arms, and gave him a violin he couldn’t play because his hands were too close together. He told Theo he had impressed him. Then Thea gave the order, “Thermopolize him, Theo!”, and Theo sent the suit at Strako, the champion who had killed Mayor Timothy. Theo, Strako and the suit were vaporized together. With his new hands Theo had managed to write his sister a note, which floated down to her burning. She can’t read it, and she has kept it secret.
The Ghost in the Orb
In the Dried Blood epilogue, Thea carried Theo’s ghost in a small crystal orb to report to the council. “I am dead,” he confirmed, and “I got thermopolized.” He showed off his hands to the handless council and asked for a holiday and a parade in his honor. The council said it would discuss it.
Personality and Abilities
Theo is earnest, loyal and a little dim. He missed his sister for over a decade, cried and laughed at the same time at the street music of Sugar Hills, and sincerely thought his worm poster was sophisticated. His mech suit had a sparking longsword he could set on fire, a shield, heel thrusters and a voice modulator. Like Thea, he remembers Tom, who used to fart on them both, and shares her burning hatred of Sean the pigeon. He always wanted to play the violin.
Relationships
- Thea: his big sister. They share a secret tongue shake and the family secret of the Thermopolis.
- The Arbiter: his target. The Arbiter killed him with lightning, rewound his death, gave him hands, and said he was proud of him.
- Strako: Mayor Timothy’s killer. Theo took him with him in the second Thermopolis.
- Old Todd and the council: sent him on his mission.
Memorable Quotes
- “Have you seen this dick with a pube?”
- “I wasn’t asking about your sexuality. I’m asking about this individual.”
- “I miss my sister, and they say they’re afraid that you’ve switched sides.”
- “Thea, it’s time for the Thermopolis!”
- “I can’t even use it. They’re too close together.”
“I always wanted to play the violin!”