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A father and daughter brought their family feud to the arena. Thornabub, a winged lord of a small demiplane of hell, came to haul his runaway daughter Glassy back to the Nine Hells. Glassy came to end him and win her freedom. What followed was a bitter, very funny family argument conducted with lightning, warhammers and a giant sky magnet, and it ended with the most infernal fine print the Void had seen in a while.

The Story

The Grandmaster Oversleeps

The night began with the Arbiter clacking through the halls of the Dread Fortress, peering under tables and into dining halls in search of a missing Grandmaster. He finally knocked at her bed chamber. The Grandmaster ripped the door open, disheveled and wild, undone by daylight saving time. “I cannot function when time keeps changing,” she announced. The Arbiter pointed out that she had gone to bed at 5 p.m.

She ordered him to take down a formal complaint to the authorities. Then the Arbiter gently noted that, technically, she was in charge of everything. Something clicked. She slammed the door, there was a whirlwind of thrown objects, and she reemerged with her crown in place: “Everything is fine and of course I have full control of my realm.” Within minutes the pair had a tourism plan for the Void: no daylight saving time, plus David Copperfield, whom the Grandmaster considers the finest magician in all the realms. The Arbiter would contact the Board of Tourism. The Grandmaster recommended flyers. Then he reminded her that a Deathmatch was happening right now, and she threw her marketing notes away in a fluster.

Family Drama

Knowing the Grandmaster’s love of soap operas and Hallmark movies, the Arbiter had arranged “the best kind of drama,” which is family drama. Thornabub had come to retrieve his daughter, “Glassy Bear,” and take her home, where her mother was “worried sick.” He then tried to sell the Grandmaster a timeshare in the Nine Hells: “Just a little bit of paperwork.”

Glassy cut in before anyone could sign anything. Her full name was Glacia, but her friends on the material plane called her Glassy. She wanted nothing to do with her father’s “scummy deals” or his soul coins. She had been told that if she ended her dad tonight, she would never have to go back.

The champions had been summoned straight into the Grandmaster’s bedroom. She kicked off her forgotten slippers, yanked the sheets over the bed and shoved the laundry aside while Thornabub inspected her David Copperfield poster and asked his daughter whether she wanted to live “in squalor like this.” He asked where the infernal pitchforks were kept. He learned that the Fortress has a pitchfork closet with a golden handle and a backsplash the Grandmaster installed herself from a YouTube video, and that the rice is kept there too. Feeling judged, she asked the Arbiter to take them all somewhere else.

Gerald’s New Home

First, a surprise. Gerald’s old box had grown rough around the edges, so the Acolytes had commissioned him a new one. An Acolyte called “great to be a gator” was behind it. The Grandmaster adored it. “He’s been through a lot.”

The Arbiter tore a portal into a blazingly fluorescent forest, the Grandmaster’s personal “wild garden.” Spindly trees arched over a rocky platform, a rune-carved rock glowed with an odd aura, and the stream sparkled, “but perhaps it’s not just plain water.” Thornabub was unimpressed: “This color palette is so gauche.” He was even less impressed by Glassy’s new purple hair. “What is your mother, Violtha, going to think?” The Grandmaster declared that the hair matched the forest so well it would help Glassy hide, and stuck her tongue out at him. The Arbiter took the father’s side, lamenting how “the youth of today, over the last thousand years or so, has really gone downhill,” and offered Thornabub a drink once he’d finished murdering his daughter. The Grandmaster took her seat beside Doug the pug.

The new Box of Chaos slammed into the middle of the arena, spitting purple, pink and yellow flames that were cool to the touch. A small shadowy Gerald peeked over the edge. Glassy took the rocks at the platform’s edge, and Thornabub knelt by the stream. She heckled him for being slow to get started: “Any time today, Dad.”

The Sky Opens

Before a blow was struck, the Acolytes’ chaos arrived. The clouds parted and a shiny metallic disc began descending from the sky, humming. It was the first chaos event the Grandmaster had ever written down. Glassy felt a tug on everything metal she carried and quietly worked out that, in a few rounds, it would pull very hard. She told no one. Then roots erupted at two points in the forest and shot up into trees nearly sixty feet tall, covered in spikes. All anyone could tell was that they were very spiky trees.

Glassy threw away her mother’s necklace and her belt, and told her father exactly how she felt: “You’re a stupid, filthy, evil jerk, and I hate you.” She cursed him, then lashed him across the river with lightning, a trick she’d learned from her new boyfriend. (“He’s an electrician,” the Grandmaster offered.) Thornabub flared his wings to stay out of the water, flew a wide circle and came charging back with his warhammer, missing her but with plenty of force behind the swing. “Stand still. Take your beating like I taught you.”

The insults escalated. He ruled a small demiplane of hell, which gave him lots of power over people, “and what’s the point of having power if I don’t let it get to my head, Glassy Bear?” When he tried to intimidate her, she stared him down. The Grandmaster beamed: “She knows who she is. And it’s not Glassy Bear.” Then the real grievances came out. Glassy had a life in Luskan and a wizard boyfriend named Jerry. Her parents had arranged for her to marry Mahadi, a “very nice rakshasa” with connections to Asmodeus, so she could “spawn for me an army of infernal creatures to take over the material plane.” Glassy: “I am not marrying a tiger freak.” The Arbiter: “I definitely am starting to understand.”

Gifts From the Box

Glassy hit him with a lightning bolt, another lesson from her “boo.” Thornabub, sick of hearing about Jerry, cut his palm and bled on Gerald’s face. Out floated the Sun Sword, “belonging to the brother of Strahd,” a holy, sentient blade that burned his infernal hands. The Acolytes wanted to know whether it was “sun” or “son.” Thornabub: “It’s my son’s sword. The one I used to beat him with earlier today.” He shoved it back into the box with a kick. Offended, Gerald gave the Helm of the Gods to Glassy instead. “Am I not a god, Gerald?”

Then Thornabub charged twice in quick succession and landed a crushing blow wrapped in necrotic power. “Have you learned your lesson yet?” Glassy was badly hurt, and the Arbiter grew worried: “I’m going to lose a lot of money if you don’t go at least three or four rounds.” The Acolytes gave each champion a spark of extra luck, and the Grandmaster tossed down a healing potion for each. She looked straight at Glassy: “I don’t want you to give up. Keep fighting for who you are.” Up in the stands, the Arbiter bullied Doug under the throne and claimed the pug’s skin was falling off his face. The Grandmaster suggested the Arbiter try lotion.

Blind and Glowing

Thornabub spent his luck early and struck Glassy blind. “As blind as your mother was when she allowed you to go to the mortal plane.” He threw his voice around the forest to confuse her. Working from memory, Glassy blinked to the rune rock and touched it with her staff. It shattered in white light, and she was left glowing a translucent blue with a sudden burst of extra energy. Her eldritch blasts went wide and cracked through the trees, which shook and rumbled as if upset. She scrambled forty feet up a cliff like a spider and stuck her tongue out at a father she couldn’t see.

Thornabub went back to bargain with Gerald, who had already tasted his blood. “What else you got?” Thornabub raised a few dead forest animals instead, and undead raccoons scampered into the box. Gerald was delighted: “I’ve always wanted a pet. I will name him Francisco.” In return he handed over a breastplate that was not Thornabub’s size. “It’s a shmedium. I used to be a shmedium back when I was interning for Asmodeus.”

Spikes, Darkness and the Magnet

After a short breather, the spiky trees fired their thorns across the forest. Glassy, still blind, sensed them coming and rolled a perfect 20 to dodge every one. Thornabub caught the crossfire from both trees. The Grandmaster then plunged the arena into darkness “to even the playing field,” and Thornabub tripped up the steps. Glassy refused to say what she was saving her luck for. “What? Like your wedding day with Jerry?” When he threatened to drown Jerry in the river, she corrected him: “And his name’s Gary.” He didn’t care: “Jerry, Gary, Harry, Larry.” He conjured a flaming spectral hammer to chip at her: “It’s the small cuts that cut deep, daughter.”

Then the magnet came down to feed. Everything metal flew skyward. Thornabub’s armor ripped off “like tearaway clothing,” leaving him bare-chested, and he let his hammer go to keep his holy symbol. Glassy rode the magnet fifty feet up and stuck fast to its underside, clutching her helm and staff. So much rock and ore tore loose that the forest floor collapsed into a dank, root-filled pit. Thornabub floated down on his wings, and Glassy dangled seventy feet above him.

The Final Blow

Thornabub flew up to her. “Glassy Bear, this is your last warning, daughter.” She answered with two bubbles of acid: “I don’t want you anywhere near my life.” He admired the new scar and mentioned another, the claw marks across his back left by her mother. “It’s important to have a healthy relationship,” the Grandmaster said.

“You’re right, daughter. I need to respect your space,” he said. Then he landed on top of the magnet and dispelled whatever was holding it up, riding it seventy feet down onto her. Glassy let the helm go, slowed her fall and spent her saved luck to roll out from under the plummeting disc. Thornabub had planned for exactly that. As she drifted past, he swung a bare fist and rolled a natural 20, and the hit carried the last of his deathly power. “I will see you in hell, daughter!” The Grandmaster: “We are playing chess tonight.”

The Contract

Dying, Glassy asked her father for a pact that would spare her. “It will cost you Jerry’s soul.” She considered it. “Jerry wasn’t that good of a boyfriend anyway. I think he wasn’t really a lightning wizard.” “I think he was just an electrician. Sign here.” She signed the infernal contract with her last breath, without reading it, and he healed her. “Your mother and I and Jerry will be looking forward to seeing you at Christmas.”

The Grandmaster honored the battle and the contract and named Thornabub the winner: “From one ruler to another, I applaud you and I respect your dominion.” He left with the Arbiter for a pub crawl, with one stop in Luskan to pick up Jerry’s soul. The Grandmaster then lifted Glassy up before the Acolytes, who had cheered her all night. She told her that she herself had lost many battles and once had to leave her own kingdom for some time. “This is not your last chapter… Jerry may just be another page in your book.” Glassy swore she would not let anyone down again, and the crowd threw their drinks in the air for her.

Dried Blood

At a seedy neon dive bar, Thornabub asked whether Gerald was union. The Arbiter explained that they pay him in table scraps and the odd drop of blood. Gerald, he added, once had a girlfriend who fought in the Deathmatch, and she now works on the bee farm with her memory of him modified, because the Arbiter didn’t like how she talked to him. Jerry, meanwhile, was “kinda alive-ish.” Thornabub pitched the Nine Hells as a career destination with a 401k and benefits. The Arbiter then leaned in: “Between you and me, I’ve been trying to overthrow the Grandmaster for years.” Thornabub offered the infernal legions his daughter would bear in a few years. Glassy promised to return as an oath-of-vengeance paladin sworn to the Grandmaster, and the Grandmaster offered to be her benefactor: “You’re going to have the nicest armor out there.” Out of character, it came out that the sparkling stream had been acid all along.

Notable Moments

  • The Grandmaster realized mid-tantrum that, as ruler, she could simply ignore daylight saving time.
  • Thornabub pulled his son’s sword out of the Box of Chaos, burned his hands on it and shoved it back in disgust.
  • Gerald adopted a zombie raccoon and named him Francisco.
  • A blind Glassy rolled a perfect 20 to dodge a forest’s worth of flying spikes.
  • Thornabub rode the falling sky magnet down onto his daughter, then punched her out of the air with a natural 20.
  • Glassy sold her boyfriend’s soul for her life without reading the contract.

Memorable Quotes

Thornabub: “Even as I’m trying to kill you in this death arena, you will always be my Glassy Bear.”

Glassy: “Jerry wasn’t that good of a boyfriend anyway. I think he wasn’t really a lightning wizard.”

  • Glassy: “You’re a stupid, filthy, evil jerk, and I hate you.”
  • Thornabub: “It’s my son’s sword. The one I used to beat him with earlier today.”
  • Thornabub: “It’s a shmedium. I used to be a shmedium back when I was interning for Asmodeus.”
  • Gerald: “I’ve always wanted a pet. I will name him Francisco.”
  • The Arbiter: “There are two things that I know for certain is that magnets are magic and that the earth is flat.”
  • Grandmaster Elusia Skypiercer: “Glassy, you are an inspiration. Do not let me down.”

Who and What Appears

Characters

Thornabub (Glorious George). A winged devil from the Nine Hells who rules a small demiplane of hell.

  • Family:
    • Glassy’s father. His wife is Violtha.
    • Mentions a son whose sword he beat him with (Dried Blood names the brother Adam).
  • Career: a dealmaker in timeshares and soul coins with “connections” to Asmodeus. He once interned for Asmodeus, back when he was “a shmedium.” “It’s the family business”: he tried for years to teach Glassy to torture properly.
  • Body: he has two claw-mark scars across his back under his wings, left by Glassy’s mother.
  • Gear and powers:
    • Warhammer, shield, chainmail, holy symbol.
    • Charger feat and Channel Divinity: Touch of Death.
    • Blindness/Deafness, Thaumaturgy, Aura of Vitality, Toll the Dead, Spiritual Weapon (a massive flaming hammer), Animate Dead, Dispel Magic.
  • What he wants: to drag Glassy home to Avernus and marry her to the rakshasa Mahadi so she can spawn infernal legions to take over the material plane.
  • What he gave up: returned the Sun Sword to the box. Lost his armor, shield and hammer to the magnet.
  • Outcome: won by downing Glassy and taking Jerry’s soul by infernal contract. He’s expecting her (and Jerry) at Christmas. Left for a pub crawl with the Arbiter via Luskan.

Glassy / Glacia (“Glassy Bear”) (Ms. Magitek / Tracy). Thornabub’s 18-year-old daughter (her race isn’t stated in the episode; Mudcat calls the two champions tieflings in Dried Blood).

  • Name: named after a lord of the Nine Hells.
  • Her life now: she left the Nine Hells and lives in Luskan on the material plane. She has new purple hair.
  • Jerry/Gary: her boyfriend, a wizard (or “just an electrician”). He taught her lightning magic (Lightning Lure, Lightning Bolt).
  • Magic:
    • Loves transmutation magic.
    • Infernal warlock magic (Eldritch Blast, Hex), “the magic that the Nine Hells gave me,” plus sorcery (Quickened acid, Misty Step, Spider Climb, False Life, Feather Fall).
  • During the fight:
    • Threw away her mother’s necklace.
    • Absorbed the rune’s blue glow.
    • Received the Helm of the Gods from Gerald, then lost it to the magnet.
  • Outcome: downed, then sold Jerry’s soul for her life by an unread infernal contract. The GM called her an inspiration. She vows a new chapter. In Dried Blood she says she will return as an oath-of-vengeance paladin sworn to the Grandmaster.

Jerry (or Gary). Glassy’s boyfriend in Luskan, a “lightning wizard” or electrician. His soul now belongs to Thornabub per the contract. “Kinda alive-ish.”

Violtha. Glassy’s mother in the Nine Hells, “worried sick.” She bought Glassy’s necklace and clawed Thornabub’s back. Thornabub says “Mommy” is calling Glassy home.

Mahadi. A rakshasa businessman with connections to Asmodeus. Glassy’s arranged fiancé. “Tiger freak,” “very limber.”

Gerald / the Box of Chaos (Mudcat).

  • Now housed in a new box commissioned by the Acolytes. It throws cool purple, pink and yellow flame, and Gerald is a small shadowy silhouette.
  • He talks: he enjoys blood but wants variety, and says “I have a soul.”
  • He gave the Sun Sword, the Helm of the Gods and a +1 breastplate. He got angry at Thornabub returning the sword and favored Glassy.
  • He now keeps undead raccoons or squirrels in the box as pets; one is named Francisco.
  • Dried Blood: he’s paid in table scraps and drops of blood. He had a girlfriend who fought in a Deathmatch “a little while back”; she now works on the bee farm with her memory of him modified.

The Arbiter (Mudcat).

  • Found the GM asleep, and plans tourism flyers.
  • Sided with Thornabub: “people don’t respect their elders.”
  • Gambling: “I’m going to lose a lot of money” on a short fight.
  • Bullies Doug.
  • Believes magnets are magic and the earth is flat.
  • Went for drinks with Thornabub. Dried Blood: confides he has been trying to overthrow the Grandmaster “for years.”

Grandmaster Elusia Skypiercer (Caustic Phoenix).

  • Thrown by daylight saving time; slept from 5 p.m. Realized she can ignore it as ruler.
  • Her bed chamber has a David Copperfield poster. She curated the forest arena as her wild garden.
  • Sat with Doug.
  • Cast Darkness over the arena as a chaos event.
  • Respected Thornabub “from one ruler to another.” Told Glassy she has lost many battles, and once had to leave her own kingdom “for some time.”

Doug the pug. Sits beside the GM. His “skin is falling off his face.” He hid under the throne when the Arbiter bullied him, then laughed or coughed at the Arbiter’s 1 and rolled a 12 to help him.

“great to be a gator”. An Acolyte who commissioned Gerald’s new box.

Places

  • Dread Fortress:
    • The GM’s bed chamber, with its David Copperfield poster.
    • The pitchfork closet: golden handle, shelves, backsplash, rice and dry goods.
    • Dining halls.
  • The Grandmaster’s wild-garden forest arena:
    • Fluorescent colors and spindly 40–50 ft trees.
    • A rocky platform and a glowing rune rock that grants a blue glow and an Action Surge.
    • Sparkling (acidic, per Dried Blood) stream and cliffs.
    • The trees shake when hit.
    • A dank, mildewy underground root pit opened by the magnet.
  • The Nine Hells: Avernus (forest of the damned), Nessus (forest of ice and bone), and Thornabub’s demiplane.
  • Luskan (material plane), where Glassy and Jerry live.
  • The bee farm (Dried Blood), where Gerald’s ex-girlfriend works.

Items

  • The new Box of Chaos.
  • The Sun Sword, “belonging to the brother of Strahd”: sentient, chaotic good, Int 11, sun blade properties. Returned to the box.
  • The Helm of the Gods (given to Glassy, lost under the magnet).
  • A +1 breastplate (Thornabub’s, torn off by the magnet).
  • The sky magnet disc.
  • The sandbox trees (spike-shooting).
  • Glassy’s mother’s necklace, belt and staff.
  • The infernal contract for Jerry’s soul.
  • Health potions from the GM.
  • Timeshares and soul coins.

Lore statements

  • The Grandmaster can ignore daylight saving time because she rules the realm. There is a Board of Tourism.
  • The Acolytes commissioned a new box for Gerald. Gerald can be bargained with and accepts non-blood offerings (undead animals).
  • The forest arena is the GM’s own curated place and “knows how to defend itself.”
  • Champions can come from the Nine Hells and the material plane (Luskan).
  • The Arbiter bets money on fight length (“These people paid a lot of money”).
  • The GM: “My own kingdom that I had to leave for some time.”
  • Dried Blood, in character: the Arbiter has been trying to overthrow the Grandmaster “for years.”

Full Round-by-Round