First appearance: S7E11 — The Cat’s Meow — Zhora Bloodfang v Bezil · watch it on YouTube
Bezil is a tressym: a winged cat no bigger than a house cat, about a foot tall sitting up, with copper fur, iridescent golden eyes, ear tufts tinged the green of oxidized copper, and huge leathery bat wings. He is descended from a copper dragon. Asked how many greats back, the answer was “at least 12.” He insists he is tall for a tressym and is not an animal. He is a sorcerer, aloof and proud, and very good at getting scritches.
Story
Bezil fought Zhora Bloodfang in S7E11 — The Cat’s Meow — Zhora Bloodfang v Bezil at The Ether Drifts. Thea had recruited him, and he had come because he was told he could get a kraken to chase and eat. He announced himself with a yawn turned into a dragon’s roar. Then he waited for the Grandmaster to scratch him (“This is when you’re supposed to give me scritches”). She did, and asked whether he was the champion’s pet. The Arbiter objected to bringing house pets into the arena, and the Grandmaster took responsibility for him. She promised him his pick from her lake of krakens.
He opened with a natural 1, after watching Zhora roll one trying to intimidate him. He refused her offer of a warm bed and kraken jerky; he wanted a live kraken, and the Grandmaster raised the prize to two. When Zhora’s axe was about to land, he gave her the cutest little meow, and it was Silvery Barbs. He used it twice, the second time with just a pitiful look. He set her mohawk on fire with a sardine-scented breath, clawed her left butt cheek on a natural 20, and won the Acolytes over by pretending the thin air hurt him, earning slushies from Commodore Scrib and Gator. When her axe crippled his paw, an old copper dragon appeared in the parted clouds of space and told him to “Get your shit together. Make them a scratching post.” He popped the paw back in. Then he hacked up a flaming hairball of Sorcerous Burst for 85 damage and killed her. “So do I get my kraken now?”
The contract said the fight had to last longer, so after Thea duct-taped Zhora back together, the Grandmaster offered him double or nothing: four krakens. He shielded himself behind a flaming ball of yarn. He blinded and deafened Zhora with a giant shadow cat, and claimed her handaxe by sitting on it. He mentioned that the squirrels in his neighborhood hate him, and Zhora promptly recruited one, Jameson. When Bezil spent his heroic surge to summon his draconic spirit, Jameson shot it apart over some begonias. Bezil told the Arbiter he must be a dog person. He breathed a Cone of Cold into Zhora’s face and left her with three claw marks across it.
Then she caught him. She called him a good boy, promised him tiny holiday hats and a rainbow sombrero, and squeezed. “I must commit an atrocity.” He bit her cheek and turned his frost into fire, leaving her at one hit point. Her next swing bounced off his wings. Her final squeeze didn’t miss. He peed on her as he died, out of spite. Zhora kept his body as her trophy, wore it as a stole for her victory speech, and made him the mascot of her bakery and its cat croquembouche.
Personality and Abilities
Bezil is aloof, proud and petty: “That will teach you to try and grab me.” He hates being grabbed, called a pet or called an animal. He was originally built as a support caster (Haste, Slow) and fought here as a destroyer. His spells included Silvery Barbs, Shield, Sorcerous Burst, Catapult, Blindness/Deafness, Cone of Cold (transmuted into fire) and Thaumaturgy, plus a breath weapon and wings that harden into armor, both gifts of his metallic-dragon blood. His magic, he says, is kept in his butt.
Relationships
- Zhora Bloodfang: his opponent, who loved him, killed him and made him her bakery’s mascot.
- Jameson: his nemesis, a cowboy squirrel who hates him over some begonias.
- An old copper dragon: his ancestor, at least twelve generations back.
- Thea: recruited him and had two tanks of krakens ready for him.
Memorable Quotes
- “This is when you’re supposed to give me scritches.”
- “I am tall for other tressyms, thank you very much.”
- “I would like to scratch you.”
- “Why do you all try to neuter me?”
- “So do I get my kraken now?”
- “I have claimed this axe as mine. I sat on it, so it’s mine.”
- “You must be a dog person.”
- “I must commit an atrocity.”
- “The most important one is meow.”