First appearance: S2E4 — Antsy — Glub Glub v Geril-Lee · watch it on YouTube
Geril-Lee is a small, nervous-seeming champion with eight tongue piercings, twin daggers and a startlingly dark streak. She was played by winterstales. She arrived in the Void insisting there had been a mistake, then won one of the strangest fights in Deathmatch history in S2E4 — Antsy — Glub Glub v Geril-Lee. She beat Glub Glub, the self-proclaimed smartest hobgoblin of his tribe, by refusing to fight fair in the most creative ways she could think of.
Story
Geril-Lee came out of the Arbiter’s portal confused and frightened. “Please, mister. Uh, I think there’s been a mistake… I’m a little bit of a fighter… Where are we?” The Arbiter was exasperated, since the two of them had apparently had “a whole conversation in the portal on the way here.” The Grandmaster wasn’t fooled. She called the champion “sweet and timid in nature, but something tells me a little more fierceness lurks below on this surface.” The fight took place in the Grandmaster’s great-grandfather’s old hunting grounds, beside a roaring waterfall and a broken stone bridge. Within moments Geril-Lee proved the Grandmaster right. She backflipped over the gap in the bridge and went straight for Glub Glub’s throat with both daggers, then cheerfully announced, “I’m gonna drink your blood for breakfast.” When he objected that this was not sanitary, she replied, “It is in my village.”
Geril-Lee fought fast and dirty. She slid under the bridge to slash at Glub Glub’s ankles, landing a perfect natural 20, and dodged the worst of his great club. After he raged at her, she used a minor spell called Annoyance to make him sneeze just as the vultures swooped at him. The frustrated vulture couldn’t get her beak into him, so she pooped on him and flew away. Once she learned that Glub Glub wore no pants, only a loincloth, she summoned an invisible servant whose sole job was to tickle his butt under the loincloth, and, as she clarified, lightly tickle his balls, every time she attacked. She played innocent with “big, big innocent eyes” so he wouldn’t catch on. Then she waded into the waterfall, where The Box of Chaos burned beneath the water. As her sacrifice she cut off her long raven hair and threw it in. In return the Box gave her a Gray Bag of Tricks, though she was left looking “like a rabid animal.”
The fight only got stranger from there. A bark from Doug the Pug turned both champions into beasts for a round, and Geril-Lee became a panther facing a monstrous walrus. Her great pounce missed, and she landed on a pebble as though that had been the plan all along. The walrus rolled into the water and mooned her with its butthole, which did not intimidate her. Back in her own body, she pulled a weasel from her new bag and sent it after Glub Glub’s balls, running figure-eights around the tops of his legs so there was constant fur against his butthole and balls. He ripped off his loincloth, exposing everything, let out an enormous fart to win the Acolytes’ blessing, and then killed the weasel by punching it. The Arbiter then flooded the river and swept both fighters downstream. With his genitals now fully exposed, Geril-Lee announced that she would “be fair and not go for that region.” She used her knowledge of the major arteries in the legs to aim, and landed natural 20s on two attacks in a row. “Eat my dust,” she told him.
The final blows landed with an ant in his butthole. Geril-Lee conjured a single ant with her spell and sent it crawling through Glub Glub’s “short and curlies” while she attacked. As the ant crawled into his butthole, she unleashed a flurry of blows with two more natural 20s in a row. “It’s the ant butthole magic,” she declared. Glub Glub fell to his knees, called her the superior fighter, and handed her his only friend, a tiny jawless skeleton named Bony, asking her to teach him her ways. She promised to “gladly take your boney and utilize it for my own devastation on other people.” Then she gave her fallen foe one final courtesy and politely extracted the ant from his butthole “so that he doesn’t die with an ant in his butthole.” The Grandmaster lifted her into the sky before The Acolytes, told them never to underestimate her, and named her the winner.
Personality and Abilities
Geril-Lee is small enough that Glub Glub kept calling her “halfling,” “small one” and “tiny puppet girl.” She has eight tongue piercings, which she flashed at her opponent to intimidate him. She lost her long raven hair to the Box of Chaos. On the surface she is timid and polite, prone to saying things like “I’m scared” right before going for the throat. Underneath that is a cheerful menace who calls drinking blood an ordinary village custom and promises to eat her opponent’s skin.
She fights with a dagger in each hand and relies on acrobatics, backflips and slides. She has an uncanny knack for dodging out of the worst of a blow, and she can strike in a rapid flurry with her fists while still holding her blades. She can heal herself in a pinch and move like the wind. Her real weapon is imagination. She used a minor spell to cause a sneeze and summon an ant, sent an invisible servant on a tickling mission, and threw a weasel out of her Gray Bag of Tricks. Most of these tricks were aimed squarely at her opponent’s balls and butthole.
Relationships
- Glub Glub: Her opponent, whom she defeated. With his last words he entrusted her with his only friend, Bony.
- Grandmaster Elusia Skypiercer: Saw the fierceness beneath her timid surface, then crowned her the winner and lifted her up before the Acolytes.
- The Arbiter: Brought her to the Void and was embarrassed by her confused entrance.
Memorable Quotes
- “I’m gonna drink your blood for breakfast.” / “It is in my village.” (S2E4)
- “I’m gonna take my long and luscious raven hair and Mulan it.” (S2E4)
- “Eat my dust.” (S2E4)
- “Yeah, I’m gonna eat your skin when I’m done with you.” (S2E4)
- “It’s the ant butthole magic.” (S2E4)
- “I will gladly take your boney and utilize it for my own devastation on other people.” (S2E4)