First appearance: LIVE at Full Sail Hall of Fame 2024 - Lief Tover v Sheriff Tapatio S. Picante · watch it on YouTube
Lief Tover, the self-styled “Trash Man,” crawled out of the deepest depths of his garbage dump to settle a score with Sheriff Tapatio S. Picante in a live Deathmatch. Raised by coyotes, tutored by a cockroach and armed with magic he learned in the dump, he lost exchange after exchange and somehow won anyway. His whole strategy, as he explained afterwards, was simply to outlast the lawman, because “trash lasts forever.”
Story
The Arbiter flexed muscles that a heckler doubted existed, clapped his hands and ripped a portal open in time and space. Lief Tover and the Sheriff came through it already feuding. The Sheriff announced he was there for Lief’s bounty and knew all about his “cheating ways of bingo.” Lief answered that he knew plenty about garbage, “and that’s all I see.” He then turned his attention to Clucky Cheese, the chicken the Sheriff rode, and decided it was an adorable name. “Too bad he has to die.” His formal introduction laid out the grievance: the Sheriff had repeatedly broken into “my place of residence” and stolen poster board to slander his name. “And today it ends.”
Lief struck first, opening with the story of a grandfather who abandoned him at two months old and left him one piece of wisdom: “a man is only as good as his trash bag, so you’re about to meet the business end of mine.” Clucky Cheese sidestepped it, and the Sheriff’s attacks landed. Then the Sheriff tried to kneecap him. With Lief faltering, the Grandmaster pulled him aside, told him he hadn’t been doing well, and had the Acolytes surround him chanting “Do better.” Their chosen representative screamed, threw the die and rolled a natural 20. The kneecap failed, and Lief came back roaring. He blew acid in the Sheriff’s face and then killed Clucky Cheese, which left the Sheriff partly undressed, shoeless and asking for a grave. Not every trick worked. His soda can crushed into a bullet fizzled (“I don’t need a gun”), but when the Arbiter remarked that cool guys should probably look at the explosions, Lief answered, “I don’t look at explosions. I am the explosion.”
The middle of the fight was a slog. The Sheriff beat him with the dead chicken (“That’s pretty foul,” said the Grandmaster). A deputy swatted down his cockroach-taught aerial swoop, and his pocket dirt failed to blind anyone. When the Arbiter asked how it felt to be a failure, Lief said it felt pretty normal and that you just have to “fail up.” He took a beating in a brawl after his own defender rolled a 1, though his side had won a hula-hoop contest earlier. He hit back with words: when the Sheriff threatened to beat him with the chicken again, Lief shot back, “You got plenty of practice. Beating the chicken, don’t you?” After a stretch break he discovered magic: “I cast Ball.” He followed it by vowing to feed the Sheriff pancake berry bites until he vomited, and the Sheriff wailed that he’d been on keto. As the Sheriff handed out deputy badges to the crowd, Lief handed out trash, which the Grandmaster declared fashion. Lief also caught the Sheriff’s thrown “deputy shuriken” and kept it.
The last stretch went badly for him. A healing potion from his team wouldn’t go down (“I’ve never been good at drinking”), and the Sheriff tore a hole in his sack, leaving him behind. A fan’s gift of trash chips inspired one last all-or-nothing gamble. The volunteer rolling for him took the mic and said “Fuck the police.” It ended in a natural 1, with Lief thanking the Trash God and announcing that “the dump truck that was coming for you has hit me.” Even so, when the dust settled, Lief Tover was the one left standing. The Grandmaster, who had bet on him, told him he would be on this stage forever and ever and that his glory and legacy would live on.
Personality and Abilities
Lief Tover is cheerful, filthy and completely unbothered by his own misfortune. His life story comes out in gloriously bleak fragments: abandoned by his grandfather before he could speak, fed by the dump’s coyotes by vomiting in his mouth, told by his mother he would never read (he can’t), and taught to fly by a cockroach. He claims to have studied dirt his entire life and to have memorized “all the movement patterns of your particles.” He also claimed he hadn’t eaten in ten days, though the Sheriff insisted he got three square meals in prison. He is generous with his garbage and handed it out freely to the crowd and the people rolling for him: “Would you like some trash?”
His fighting style is magic learned in the dump, delivered with total confidence and no theory: “I don’t know how magic works, bro, but it’s gonna hurt.” His arsenal included a poisoned diaper bomb, acid, the soda-can bullet, the spell “Ball,” pancake berry bites, a spear and, above all, his trash bag. He doesn’t bother with firearms (“I don’t need a gun”), and he tends to lose individual exchanges while winning the war of attrition.
Relationships
- The Grandmaster: Rallied the crowd to make him “do better,” mocked him freely (“He looks like trash”), bet on him and won.
- The Arbiter: Opened his portal, needled him about failure, and complimented his much taller trash headgear.
- Sheriff Tapatio S. Picante: His sworn enemy, a bounty-hunting lawman who accused him of bingo fraud. Lief killed his chicken, Clucky Cheese.
- The Acolytes: His “trash team,” who chanted “TRASH!” and received his garbage as gifts and fashion.
Memorable Quotes
“I told him that I was just going to outlast him, and he laughed at me. But like I said in the beginning, trash lasts forever.”
- “He said, a man is only as good as his trash bag, so you’re about to meet the business end of mine.” (LIVE at Full Sail Hall of Fame 2024)
- “I don’t look at explosions. I am the explosion.” (LIVE at Full Sail Hall of Fame 2024)
- “I don’t know how magic works, bro, but it’s gonna hurt.” (LIVE at Full Sail Hall of Fame 2024)
- “My mom told me I would never be able to read, and that’s why I told her that I’m going to feed you pancake berry bites until you vomit.” (LIVE at Full Sail Hall of Fame 2024)
- “I’ve studied dirt my entire life. I’ve memorized all the movement patterns of your particles, brother.” (LIVE at Full Sail Hall of Fame 2024)