First appearance: × Wounded Warrior Project, Capture the Flag charity crossover
Perry is a little bitty rabbit with ears longer than he is tall, a giant glowing wizard’s hat and a shovel he treats with more dignity than most champions treat their own lives. He was pulled into the Void for the × Wounded Warrior Project, Capture the Flag charity crossover (title not in metadata), a gauntlet race that ended in a fight to the death. Perry was the first champion to crack the alchemist’s riddle. He also won a desperate shoving match over the Box of Chaos, and with his very last swing he took his rival Beans the Terrible into the dark with him.
Story
The Arbiter saved the most dramatic entrance of the night for Perry. He flared his wings and slammed his arms and wings together, sending ripples through time and space that almost tore reality open. Out of an unnecessarily huge, showy portal, Perry came tumbling like a Power Ranger and introduced himself with something less than total confidence: “hello, my name is Perry and I am, well, well, um…” Then he reached back into the portal, pulled out his shovel, and found his footing: “I have a shovel and I am here to cause mayhem.” The Grandmaster approved at once (“This Deathmatch needs a shovel. You read my mind, Perry”). Perry scurried up onto the shoulder of his new teammate Pyxis. When Pyxis suggested the shovel might help clean up Dave the Doom Duck’s poop, Perry was appalled: “I would never disrespect my shovel with that.” He told the room he stood 3’5”, “but my ears are about four.” Then he took off his hat, and the Grandmaster admitted that “Perry might have my heart on this one.”
In the gauntlet through The Dread Fortress, Perry, Pyxis and Dave formed Team B. Their first job was to make a kitchen full of food disappear. Pyxis lay down on the table and offered himself up as the destination, so Perry shoveled the feast onto him. In the alchemist’s room, Perry sniffed out which vials felt wrong: the red and green gave off bad vibes and the blue seemed safe. He mixed the red and green, chugged the blue, and became the first champion to light up the stone portal with its cool pink and yellow flames. Then he bounced on through. When Pyxis himself paid to summon Thea as a mini-boss, the Arbiter transformed the imp into a giant purple worm. Perry let loose a thousand fireflies from his hat to light up the beast and the opposing team. His swarm also swept over Beans, who shook it off but was deeply offended as a fairy. Perry apologized: “I’m sorry. It wasn’t on purpose… They have a mind of their own.” He later shrugged off the ring of fire that Beans threw around Team B in revenge.
Once the gauntlet collapsed into a free-for-all on the fortress grounds, Perry rabbit-hopped across the river and landed right on the Box of Chaos, next to Beans. He looked at his hands, then at Beans, and decided the fairy belonged in the box. Perry’s shovel connected even through Beans’s attempt to curse his aim. The two tiny champions then went swarm against swarm, and the whole table chanted “Roll off.” Perry came up with a perfect roll, and his fireflies slammed Beans into the Box. Beans came out wearing a Hat of Vermin, while Perry claimed a potion of frost giant strength and drank it down. He then weathered Pyxis’s moonbeam. He also survived an attempt by his own teammate Dave to banish him, which prompted the Arbiter to say, “Perry, I hope you remember this.”
Perry’s end came from Grog the Malodorous, who stood next to him with a freshly won trident. Grog said he felt Perry was “kind of okay, but you know what? We’re going crazy,” while the table chanted for blood. Two smiting trident strikes later, Perry was falling, and Grog was apologizing even as he swung. Perry was furious that Beans had egged Grog on, and he used the last of his giant strength on one final swing of the shovel at Beans. The Grandmaster narrated the moment: noon striking as he held the shovel, the Acolytes capturing his “moment of grace,” the sky darkening along with his day. The blow was fatal. Perry held Beans as the two faded together, and the Grandmaster left them “as the two of you struggle and fight in eternity on this ground.” Dave the Doom Duck went on to win the match.
Personality and Abilities
Perry is small and black-and-white, about three and a half feet tall plus four feet of ears. A giant wizard’s hat covers half his face, glows blue underneath and leaks a steady drizzle of fireflies, and he chews a piece of straw. He opened with nervous stammering, but turned out to be a quick, practical problem-solver. He sensed which potions gave off bad vibes and was first through the alchemy room, while others were kicking chests and sitting on thrones.
His great love is his shovel. It serves as his weapon, his tool for moving a feast, and something close to a point of honor, since he refuses to sully it by cleaning up duck poop. His firefly swarm fights alongside him. It can outline enemies in glowing light, and in a pinch it can slam a fairy into a magic box. He can also cross rivers with a single rabbit hop. He went into his final fight boosted by a frost giant strength potion from the Box of Chaos. He was also willing to hold a grudge to his last breath and spend it on a well-aimed swing.
Relationships
- Pyxis: Gauntlet teammate whose shoulder Perry perched on, and the mammoth he shoveled the kitchen’s food onto.
- Dave the Doom Duck: Teammate who tried to banish Perry along with Solid, Grog and Beans once the free-for-all began.
- Beans the Terrible: Rival. Perry shoved him into the Box of Chaos, blamed him for egging on Grog, and killed him with his final swing as they faded together.
- Grog the Malodorous: Killed Perry with a trident, apologizing all the while.
- Grandmaster Elusia Skypiercer: Took an instant liking to Perry and his shovel (“Perry might have my heart on this one”).
- The Arbiter: Opened Perry’s spectacular entrance portal and later hoped Perry would remember Dave’s betrayal.
- Thea: Perry lit her up with his fireflies when she fought the champions as a giant worm.
Memorable Quotes
- “I have a shovel and I am here to cause mayhem.” (Capture the Flag charity crossover)
- “I would never disrespect my shovel with that.” (Capture the Flag charity crossover)
- “hello, my name is Perry and I am, well, well, um…” (Capture the Flag charity crossover)
- “I’m sorry. It wasn’t on purpose… They have a mind of their own.” (Capture the Flag charity crossover)