First appearance: × Wounded Warrior Project, Capture the Flag charity crossover
Pyxis was a huge, bulky mammoth in armor who carried a war hammer and a grudge, and was unfailingly polite about both. He arrived in The Void for the Wounded Warrior Project Capture the Flag crossover looking for the three people who had killed his loved ones. He found three champions who matched his description in the same room. He spent the match wiping up a duck’s poop, quietly abandoning that duck, and finally calling down the moon itself to finish his quest with his dying breath.
Story
Pyxis stepped into a food-laden hall of The Dread Fortress with a warm “Oh, hello there, buddy,” and won over the Grandmaster at once; she called him “tender and sweet.” Then he explained why he had come. He was looking for whoever killed his loved ones: “a little fairy, a strange centaur person, and a cobra of some kind.” Across the room stood Beans the Terrible, a pixie, Grog the Malodorous, who was part horse, and Solid, a cobra-like Yuan Ti. “What are the odds?” said the Grandmaster. “I think you’re exactly where you’re supposed to be.” Pyxis answered by smacking his war hammer down on the table, and everything on it jumped. At 9’5” he described himself as “a little small for my height.” His siblings had been taller: “They were a little taller than me, but not so much anymore.”
The match opened as a team gauntlet, and Pyxis was put with Perry, who promptly scurried up onto his shoulder, and Dave the Doom Duck. While the other team was still in its kitchen, Solid taunted Pyxis’s team through the wall, and Pyxis heard his voice over an intercom. “That sounds like the voice I heard on a very horrible day long ago.” In their own kitchen, where the teams had to clear every scrap of food, Pyxis lay down on the table and told Perry to shovel it all onto him (“These flavors are so delectable”). Then he turned himself invisible so the food vanished along with him. In the room of sleeping Chinchillas, Dave pooped in front of every bed, right where the chinchillas would step. The invisible Pyxis followed behind and wiped up the poop, because he felt bad for the chinchillas. “Oh, Dave’s gonna remember that,” Dave’s player warned at the table. At the alchemy tables he took meticulous notes while Perry solved the vial puzzle. He did the combination himself while invisible, so Dave couldn’t see, and slipped through the portal, leaving the duck alone with the glassware: “You didn’t see me… I’m right behind you, buddy.”
The Acolytes’ cash then summoned a mini-boss, and it turned out Pyxis had paid for it himself. “Oh, I would never do such an evil thing,” he protested. The Arbiter pointed out that he didn’t seem to understand the mini-boss would fight both teams. Thea was transformed into a giant purple worm, the Abyss Devourer, and went after the other team first. Pyxis suggested Dave lock them in with a ring of fire, and was delighted when the duck obliged: “Oh, Ducky, you’re so good now. I like him.” Beans answered in kind, and Pyxis got caught in the return flames.
When the gauntlet collapsed into a last-one-standing free-for-all, Pyxis promised, “Oh, I plan on living, don’t you worry.” He brought down a column of moonlight on his enemies (“Moonbeam!”) and took to the air on steps of night, declaring, “I’m still pretty.” Beans answered with a doubled blast of starlight that nearly finished him. Pyxis then flew up, grabbed Solid by the head, poured necrotic magic into him in midair and dropped him thirty feet. Solid floated gently down. Then Dave pointed his butt at Pyxis and shot a lava-like fireball out of it, a flaming turd that went flying across the map (“You dirty duck!… Don’t do it!”), and Pyxis couldn’t get out of the way. As it exploded, he prayed to Selûne: “Let me slay this murderer of my family as I die.” The whole day turned to night. The moon guided him down onto Solid’s head, and his finger poked out Solid’s last good eye. The fall killed Solid outright. Solid’s final words were a confession: “yeah i did kill your family that’s it.” Pyxis died in the same moment. The Grandmaster gave them a farewell: “Redemption found in Pyxis, the objective made complete, and now both eyes taken.”
Personality and Abilities
Pyxis was a towering armored mammoth with the manners of a kindly grandparent. He called people “dears” and “sweetie,” praised his team (“Good job, everyone. I’m so proud of you all”), and scolded Dave mildly as “a naughty duck” with “a dirty mouth.” Under the courtesy he had real steel. He came for vengeance, slipped away from teammates when it suited him, and spent his dying breath on the deathblow. Solid referred to him once as “this robot friend.”
He was a cleric of Selûne, goddess of the moon. He fought with a war hammer and with her magic: turning himself invisible, calling down moonbeams, stepping through the air on steps of night, and inflicting necrotic wounds by touch. At the very end, his goddess answered his prayer directly.
Relationships
- Solid: The “cobra” among his family’s killers, recognized by voice. Pyxis had taken one of Solid’s eyes on that day long ago. He took the other as he killed him, and Solid confessed at the end.
- Beans the Terrible: Matched his description of the “little fairy.” The Grandmaster allowed it might be them “or another three.” Beans blasted Pyxis with starlight in the final fight.
- Grog the Malodorous: Matched the “strange centaur person” Pyxis was hunting.
- Dave the Doom Duck: His teammate in the gauntlet. Pyxis wiped up his poop, ditched him at the alchemy tables, and cheered his ring of fire. The fireball Dave shot out of his butt dealt Pyxis his fatal wounds.
- Perry: His teammate. Perry rode on his shoulder and shoveled the kitchen’s food onto him.
- Thea: Pyxis paid for her transformation into the Abyss Devourer.
- Chinchillas: He secretly wiped Dave’s poop away from their beds.
Memorable Quotes
- “Oh, hello there, buddy. I’m really excited to be here. What a magnificent place this is.” (Wounded Warrior Project Capture the Flag crossover)
- “I’m just looking for some people who killed some loved ones of mine. It was a little fairy, a strange centaur person, and a cobra of some kind.” (Wounded Warrior Project Capture the Flag crossover)
- “That voice sounds familiar to me. That sounds like the voice I heard on a very horrible day long ago.” (Wounded Warrior Project Capture the Flag crossover)
- “Oh, I would never do such an evil thing.” (Wounded Warrior Project Capture the Flag crossover)
- “Oh, I plan on living, don’t you worry.” (Wounded Warrior Project Capture the Flag crossover)
“Let me slay this murderer of my family as I die… he killed my family, now prepare to die.” — Pyxis, praying to Selûne