First appearance: S6E1 — Murder at the Dread Fortress (TTRPG Murder Mystery) · watch it on YouTube
Stuart is the IT support of The Dread Fortress. He works from a small, humid closet full of screens down in the basement, and he keeps the Deathmatches running for The Acolytes. He is a devoted fan of The Arbiter and wants more than anything to be a mage, though he doesn’t have a magic bone in his body. Whenever a voice goes silent, a picture lags or the whole show crashes, the Fortress knows exactly whose fault it is: Stuart’s.
Story
Murder at the Dread Fortress
Stuart first stepped into the spotlight at the staff banquet in S6E1 — Murder at the Dread Fortress (TTRPG Murder Mystery). A small man in khaki shorts, a blue polo and badly over-gelled spiky hair, he begged, “pick me, pick me.” He pulled a notepad from his khakis and introduced himself as Stuart the Gray. Asked why, he said it was “because all the great wizards are gray. Like Gandalf and the other gray wizards.” The champion Skelman pointed out that this was only one wizard. “And it’s the only one that matters!” Stuart snapped, so hard that his hair broke a little.
He sat across from the champions with Dr. Octo and Lady Elizabeth, and announced, “I’m currently IT, but I will become a mage… the greatest mage.” He stood on his chair to say it, caught the Arbiter’s eye, and shrank back down. When the Arbiter asked whether “that kid” had been invited, the Grandmaster explained that they invite all employees, for morale. She also had real praise for him: “There’s a reason why we haven’t had any hacking issues lately.… He’s brilliant, actually.” He had applied several times to move to the magic department. It turned out he didn’t really have a magic bone in his body. “Oh, I could give him a magic bone in his body,” Skelman offered. When Bunga objected that Stuart was a child, the table clarified that he wasn’t a literal child: his age is “actually very hard to determine.”
The evening went downhill after someone murdered Thea. During the questioning, the champion Bunga fired a finger-gun shot of syrup at Stuart. Stuart blocked it with his plate and then shoved his face into his food. Iris suggested he might be the bitter accomplice the killer needed. Stuart returned from a bathroom break with his hair freshly re-spiked and offered the Arbiter “an amulet that can always tell the truth and lie,” which glowed red at a lie. Strapped onto Skelman, it lit up at “I didn’t murder Thea.” Then Skelman found “made in China” stamped on the back, and Stuart’s hand was fidgeting in his pocket. Skelman declared, “Stewart has done it,” and accused him of jealousy over Thea’s rise. The Arbiter ordered, “Put the necklace on, Stuart.” Stuart broke down crying and showed what was in his pocket: a little receiver with a button that switched the light on. “It’s just a toy,” he sobbed. “I just want to be in the magic department.”
Bunga also suggested that, as IT, Stuart could have blackmailed the Arbiter with his internet history: “the nastiest, goopiest things.” The Arbiter took this in his stride, asking whether they were kink shaming him and admitting, “I need a new goo guy. I’m very forthright about that.” Stuart was never named the killer, but he didn’t get the job either. When the Arbiter offered a position at the end of the night, Stuart looked up hopefully and was told, “Get fucked, Stuart.” The offer, it seemed, was meant for Bunga.
The Ether Drifts
On the mission to The Ether Drifts, Stuart never appeared, but he was blamed constantly. In S6 Ep2 · Ether Drifts Part 1 · TTRPG One Shot (Team A mine mission), the champions were asked who knew The Shadow King. Copycat’s voice suddenly went silent, and the Grandmaster and the Arbiter both shouted for Stuart. Copycat warned, “Stuart, I know where you live.” The Grandmaster said it was “just down in the basement. It’s nice though.” Thea added that Stuart always has to reset her email password and “hates me for it.” Later, when the Grandmaster’s own voice glitched during the descent into the mine, his name rang out again.
In S6 Ep3 — Ether Drifts Part 2 — Team A deathmatch (Atlas v Robbie Clark and the Hunger v Copycat), the arena feed lagged during an attack on Atlas, and the Grandmaster blamed Stuart. Later a combatant called Mom tried to phone Robbie’s mother from the arena and got only a dial tone. The Arbiter told her to subscribe to Dread Fortress Mobile, and the Grandmaster said Stuart could set her up: “He’s always out in the courtyard trying to practice his magic tricks.” Afterwards, in Dried Blood, he was counted as part of the D20 family alongside Thea and Doug the Pug. That didn’t stop the Arbiter from crushing his dreams: “Stuart, it’s never going to fucking happen.” He was also promised a promotion, in a tone that made clear it wasn’t coming: “Stuart, we’ll look at getting you some promotion. No, we won’t.”
The Season of Vigilance
Season 7 opened with Stuart in trouble. In S7E1 — A Soup Served Cold — DeeDrah v Gazpacho Man Andy Gammage, the Arbiter asked the Grandmaster to keep talking because Stuart was “screwing up in the background again.” “Stuart gets everything wrong,” she agreed. Later in the match the Arbiter muddled the turn order and complained that Stewart hadn’t been helpful that week and the arena was a mess. In S7E2 — Under the Oil Tree — Big Business v Bog Boy, the Grandmaster decided the champions were too much to broadcast at full quality: so violent that the children might gouge their eyes out. “Stuart, refresh,” came the order, and the Grandmaster sighed, “Thanks, Stuart. Freaking Stuart.”
Stuart finally appeared in person in the opening of S7E3 — Chinchilla the White — Akumu v Jinx. The Arbiter’s Italian leather boots clacked down to his hot little closet of screens, where the Arbiter loomed over him. The last few Deathmatches had weird music and weird visuals, and the Acolytes “weren’t having it.” The Arbiter said the job wasn’t in danger, but warned that “we might be looking to make some cuts around here again.” Then the Grandmaster’s voice came booming through the basement dungeon where the Arbiter had hidden Stuart. The Arbiter quickly changed his tune to teamwork and support. The Grandmaster reminded everyone that Stuart had PTO to use up: “We don’t have any PTO to go to waste at this company.” “Stuart, you take as much time off as you need,” the Arbiter offered. Then he ripped open a portal to the throne room and left Stuart behind.
Things got worse in S7E7 — A Father’s Son — Agatha Middlebrooke v Lug Hardblock, which began after a full crash. “Stuart is about to get fucking fired,” the Arbiter announced. The Grandmaster was gentler. She said Stuart just needed to research new solutions, and she promised him a bonus if the show made it to the end without him pulling any more plugs. A voice in reply asked, “Cheers. With what money?” The Arbiter boasted that “Stuart tried to derail us here, but I got him anyway.” When the conversation turned to who was to blame for the Fortress’s damage, his verdict was simple: “It was Stuart’s fault.”
By S7E9 — Necro-Nightmare — Squiggles v Ray S’urdead, Stuart had pulled a prank of his own. He pranked the Arbiter on “October 11th,” and Thea gleefully reported that “Stuart got you real good earlier and you looked really stupid.” His wallet was suffering too. “Stuart recently took a pay cut,” the Arbiter said, “so we’ll just shift some numbers around.” By some accounts, his pay was docked entirely.
Personality and Abilities
Stuart is small, eager and fragile in the way of a true fanboy. He wears khaki shorts and a blue polo, and his spiky hair holds so much gel that it breaks when he gets worked up. He hero-worships the Arbiter, carries a notepad in his presence, and keeps chasing a place in the magic department that he will almost certainly never get. His confidence comes in bursts: one champion said he had “the confidence of a much taller man.”
His real talent is technology. The Grandmaster calls him brilliant and credits him with the Fortress’s lack of hacking problems. He resets passwords, runs the screens behind the Deathmatches, and can set people up on Dread Fortress Mobile. Magic is another story. His best effort so far is a fake “truth amulet” made in China and lit by a button in his pocket, plus a lot of practice with magic tricks in the courtyard. He is also the Fortress’s favourite person to blame.
Relationships
- The Arbiter: Stuart’s idol and his harshest boss. He threatens to fire Stuart, rejects his dreams outright, and eventually fell for one of his pranks.
- Grandmaster Elusia Skypiercer: Praises his brilliance, protects his PTO and offers him bonuses, though she blames him for glitches just as quickly.
- Thea: Relies on him to reset her email password and is sure he hates her for it. She enjoyed watching him prank the Arbiter.
- Iris: Suggested Stuart as the murderer’s bitter accomplice at the staff banquet.
- Copycat: Warned “Stuart, I know where you live” when Copycat’s voice cut out.
Memorable Quotes
- “Because all the great wizards are gray. Like Gandalf and the other gray wizards.” (S6E1 — Murder at the Dread Fortress)
- “I’m currently IT, but I will become a mage… the greatest mage.” (S6E1 — Murder at the Dread Fortress)
- “It’s just a toy… I just want to be in the magic department.” (S6E1 — Murder at the Dread Fortress)
- “And it’s the only one that matters!” (S6E1 — Murder at the Dread Fortress)
Appearances
- S6E1 — Murder at the Dread Fortress (TTRPG Murder Mystery)
- S6 Ep2 · Ether Drifts Part 1 · TTRPG One Shot (Team A mine mission)
- S6 Ep3 — Ether Drifts Part 2 — Team A deathmatch (Atlas v Robbie Clark and the Hunger v Copycat)
- S7E1 — A Soup Served Cold — DeeDrah v Gazpacho Man Andy Gammage
- S7E2 — Under the Oil Tree — Big Business v Bog Boy
- S7E3 — Chinchilla the White — Akumu v Jinx
- S7E7 — A Father’s Son — Agatha Middlebrooke v Lug Hardblock
- S7E9 — Necro-Nightmare — Squiggles v Ray S’urdead
- S7E10 — Thea’s Adventure (Thea’s Revenge, a one-shot)