First appearance: S4E4 — Death Dealers — The Scourge v Bone Daddy · watch it on YouTube
The Scourge is a self-proclaimed avenger of justice, a sleeveless aasimar “blessed since he was a little aasimar with the presence of the divine,” who often speaks of himself in the third person. He was pulled into the Void to face the necromancer Bone Daddy in S4E4 — Death Dealers — The Scourge v Bone Daddy. He won by crushing his rival in a giant snake’s coils and holding him close for one last heartfelt question. His victory prize from The Shadow King was the sort of reward that makes winning look like a mixed blessing.
Story
S4E4 — Death Dealers
The Scourge came through the Grandmaster’s blood-soaked portal into the throne room of The Dread Fortress already in the middle of a wrestling promo. “The Scourge awakens,” he announced, before condemning Bone Daddy as a “no good necromancer digging up people’s pets and their grandmas.” He was also furious that his rival was stealing his look, since “everybody knows the no-sleeves thing is the Scourge’s thing.” Bone Daddy called him a dingus, and the Grandmaster had to push the two apart with her very buff arms. Before stepping into the arena, the Scourge raised his hand to ask about the Chinchillas. When he learned that every goblin on staff gets one for their mental health, he asked whether he could join the payroll too. The Grandmaster told him they would see if he was worthy first.
The arena was a dark dungeon used for “arm fights,” a cavern littered with arms and bodies from earlier Deathmatches, where fighters pick up random severed arms and slap each other till someone dies. The Scourge started by scolding the fathers among The Acolytes who were just babysitting their kids: “a real dad’s not a babysitter.” Then he summoned two Quetzalcoatlus with jet-black skin and white accents, “just like me,” and named them Hammer and Anvil. He turned himself into a giant constrictor snake and slithered straight at his opponent. Bone Daddy answered by raising a brood of skeleton “children.” The Scourge admitted that Bone Daddy was “a very attractive man that fills the Scourge with some uncomfortable emotions.”
The fight turned into a brawl of chaos. The Grandmaster dove from her throne and bent a metal chair around his skull, leaving cartoon birds circling his head. “Hey, those aren’t the birds I intended to summon,” he complained. From The Box of Chaos he bought a chronometer, a tiny hourglass of golden sand that reminded him of “my own sainted mother watching over the Scourge.” He paid with PayPal, plus Bone Daddy’s head “when this is all over.” When the Shadow King added “Just the tip though,” the Scourge agreed: “Just the tip of his head.” He used it at once to slow time and then burst into searing radiance. The Grandmaster summed it up: “Your bones were cracked and now you’re a glow stick.” Bone Daddy then told him his mother, rest her soul, “did get to learn both reasons why I’m called the Bone Daddy.” His divine nature shrugged off most of Bone Daddy’s necrotic magic. He spent much of the night missing, partly because Bone Daddy hypnotized him with gyrating hips, leaving him entranced by “the Bone Daddy’s bone.” His birds carried the fight for him, and Anvil landed a devastating dive out of the rafters. Meanwhile his foe merged his skeletons into a giant named Darcy and climbed inside her like a mech. Darcy then stabbed her own eye, her only good one, and the Scourge twisted the knife: “See, she’s starting to understand all those birthday parties and ballet receptions that you missed.”
When Bone Daddy bragged about his “luscious locks,” the Scourge told him to “go wildshaping to something furry and teabag your gravestone.” A cold snap brought on some shrinkage, shrinking everyone a size and raising their voices (“Look, it’s not always like this. I’m just tired, okay?”). “The snake is usually much larger. Much, much larger,” he insisted. Then the Shadow King split the floor and dropped the fighters onto floating planks inside an electric Hexadome. Pressed close at last, the Scourge promised Bone Daddy “a warrior’s death,” and finally landed a hit. He wrapped his coils around his rival and unleashed his full divine fury, whispering, “Why wouldn’t you let me love you, Bone Daddy? Why didn’t you love me back?” Bone Daddy fell out of Darcy’s chest and asked her forgiveness, and she carried him off the platform into the void. The Scourge urged the crowd to “fly your Bone Daddy flags with pride” and vowed statues to him in every graveyard. The Shadow King then gave him a keepsake. He tore a bone from a corpse in the arena and slammed it down the Scourge’s throat, ripping through his mouth and throat and shoving the bone and his whole arm down into his chest: “There! Now a piece of Bone Daddy can be with you forever.” Whether the Scourge survived was never said.
Personality and Abilities
The Scourge is all bravado and big feelings, a wrestling showman through and through. At the table, his player described him as “the macho man with the Undertaker’s gimmick.” He goes sleeveless as his signature look. Bone Daddy’s jab about “luscious locks” suggests he has none to speak of, and the Scourge insisted that “you can’t mock what a person can’t change.” He is quick with an insult (“I fell asleep in the middle of that long, boring monologue”). He is just as quick to admit tender or confusing feelings, which made his rivalry with Bone Daddy part grudge and part unrequited crush. He also posts online, under the name “absolutely not the scourge 1469.”
His divine blessing makes him hard to hurt with dark or holy magic. When fully lit, his radiance burns everything near him, including, as he put it, his own “angelic flesh.” He can take the form of a giant constrictor snake, summon beasts to fight for him, heal himself, and call down a crushing holy strike. His followers in the stands carry his banner.
Relationships
- Bone Daddy: His rival and, apparently, his unrequited love. He defeated him, mourned him, and vowed to build him statues.
- Darcy: Bone Daddy’s skeleton “daughter,” whom the Scourge needled about her absent father.
- Hammer and Anvil: The two black-and-white Quetzalcoatlus he summoned and named. “Daddy loves you both.”
- The Shadow King: Called him maybe the best champion yet, then rewarded his win by ramming a bone down his throat.
- Grandmaster Elusia Skypiercer: Bent a chair around his head, and reserved judgment on putting him on the payroll.
Memorable Quotes
“Why wouldn’t you let me love you, Bone Daddy? Why didn’t you love me back?” (S4E4)
“The Scourge has cried a thousand times and will cry a thousand more. Real warriors know how to admit how they feel, even and especially when it’s strange and confusing.” (S4E4, Dried Blood)
- “I don’t have fingers to count on currently, all right?” (S4E4)
- “Love is a complicated emotion, okay? Dig it?” (S4E4)
- “Are you about to do some ironic torment to The Scourge?” (S4E4)
- “You notice the Bone Daddy shows up and suddenly it’s all tips and subs.” (S4E4)