S2E14 — Shrooms — Ulfgar Greyblade (Mcswiggins) v Snoop & Dog

Watch on YouTube

Two short, far-from-sober champions squared off in a lost plane where forgotten things gather and the Acolytes’ farts sink to the floor. Snoop & Dog, a pint-sized rider who had eaten magic mushrooms on the way in and his scaly “dragon dog,” faced Ulfgar Greyblade, a dwarf who insisted his name was Mcswiggins and who had clearly “had more than a few.” The night brought a stoned Gerald, two unreliable golden lions, a monster from a hole in the ground, and a finish worthy of a lion king.

The Story

Dead Men’s Shoes

The night began in the Dread Fortress, where servants scurried and goblins chattered in the damp corners. The halls rang with a loud clack, clack as the Arbiter made his way to the throne room. The Grandmaster was pacing with her hands behind her back and had heard him coming from a long way off. “Are you wearing tap shoes?”

They were Italian leather, the Arbiter insisted. He knew because the man he had taken them from had said so with his dying words. A closer look revealed metal plates on the soles. “He’s a liar,” the Grandmaster declared. “He’s a dead liar, but he’s a liar.” Calling the dead man a shyster, the Arbiter took the shoes off and went barefoot. The Grandmaster then ruled that shoes were required in the arena, since there were spikes, blood and other gross things on the ground. “It’s a safety thing. It’s insurance.” The Arbiter snapped his fingers and produced a pair of vacation sandals, also taken from a corpse. He explained that he had “a fine collection of shoes from all the people I’ve killed.” The Grandmaster did not want to know.

Two Short Fighters and a Not-Dog

Snoop arrived first, unable to work out where the Arbiter’s voice was coming from even though the Arbiter was standing right beside him. He wore heeled Italian leather shoes of his own, because a couple of extra inches “makes people think more of me.” He introduced his partner: “Hi, I’m Snoop. This is my dragon dog. He’s a silver dragon.” Dog, he explained, was the battle-hardened backbone of the partnership.

When the Grandmaster asked how high he was, she meant his height. Snoop heard the other meaning and answered honestly. He had eaten magic mushrooms on the way in and was “incredibly” high. He eventually got around to his height, about four foot six and a half, and went up on his toes for good measure. “Sounds about fighting height to me,” said the Arbiter.

Mcswiggins stumbled in next and delivered his grand introduction to Dog, apparently mistaking the scaly beast for the Grandmaster: “Ulfgar Greyblade. You may know me as Mcswiggins, the Everthirsty… and the pride of the drunken master.” He then started the speech over, lost track of whether he had already given it, and spotted the name “Ulfgar” written somewhere, which he insisted was wrong. The Arbiter took no responsibility. “This is what happens when you put out a general call for people to fight to the death.” Friends sign people up, he explained, and this guy didn’t even know his own name.

Snoop, feeling generous, explained his mushrooms, which were kept in Dog’s saddlebag. The purple ones made you light and happy. The red ones he took right before a fight. “I think he calls it a blood frenzy?” He handed Mcswiggins “the biggest one I have left,” since he was “kind of a big guy.” Mcswiggins, a broad dwarf of about four foot eight, was only slightly taller. Only then did it dawn on the dwarf that his new friend was his opponent, and that Dog was too. “I’m fighting two people? That hardly seems fair.” “To be fair,” said the Arbiter, “one’s not a person.”

The Arena of Lost Farts

The Arbiter tore open a portal, and stale, moist air rolled out. The ground was squishy, like a membrane crossed with vines, and the heat hung thick, “as if you were walking through someone’s fart.” The Grandmaster revised the image: “it looks like you’re walking on a testicle.” The walls curved into S-shapes, and their nooks held shimmering shelves with nothing visible on them. This, the Grandmaster announced, was a lost plane “for those things that are lost. But even here, they can be hard to find.”

When she spread her wings and rose into the cooler air above, the source of the smell became clear. The Acolytes sat overhead, and their farts were heavier than air and drifting down onto the arena. “Welcome to the arena of lost farts.” The Arbiter reminded the front rows that ponchos were under their seats: “Mind the splash zone.” Meanwhile a debate broke out over whether Dog was a dog. “Dogs are scaly,” Snoop protested. “Why do I feel like the crazy person here?” Dog said “Woof.” Beside the Grandmaster, Doug the Pug barked back so hard his whole body shook.

Gerald Gets High

The Acolytes demanded both the Box of Chaos and a chaos event, and they got both. The box slammed down next to Snoop in a column of pink and purple flames that gave off no heat. Two bright yellow eyes and a pair of shadowy claws reached over its rim. Snoop had “been down this alley before” and wanted none of it. Then the box spoke: “Why does this place look like a testicle?” Snoop was delighted. “Wait, you can talk… the last one I saw didn’t talk. Do you want some mushrooms?”

First came the chaos. The Grandmaster pulled two metal chairs from behind her seat, handed one to the Arbiter, and the pair swooped down for a classic chair shot. The Arbiter caught Mcswiggins mid-way through an extremely long piss against the arena wall. The Grandmaster’s chair only scraped down Snoop’s shin, but Snoop still mourned “My fine Italian shoes.” “I don’t want to play anymore,” said Snoop. “Too bad. I win. Chaos has been served,” said the Arbiter.

Mcswiggins answered by flying into a rage, and ancestral protectors rose from his axe as he chanted: “Oh, hear me, Jamison, Johnny, and Jack. I call upon you, we’re on the attack.” He sprinted out of his nook, spotted the edge of a boot poking out from cover, and roared, “I know Italian leather anywhere. Come here, you chair-wielding menace!” Snoop pointed out that the chair had not been his.

Snoop, meanwhile, made a friend. The box introduced himself as Gerald, and when offered either the happy mushrooms or the blood-rage ones, he wanted both. Snoop dumped both bags into the box. Gerald’s eyes turned into yellow spirals. He disappeared inside, could be heard tripping over everything in there, and came back up with a pair of golden lion figurines that could each become a real lion. “I didn’t realize I was fighting a menagerie,” said Mcswiggins. Snoop set both lions to guard his new best friend (“Gerald is mine now”) and sent Dog around the back. The dice smiled on Dog, who sank his teeth and a jolt of lightning into Mcswiggins’ ankles. Why ankles? “Because I’m very short and it’s all I can see.”

At the end of the round the Arbiter’s roll came up poor, so Doug hopped onto his pedestal, spat out a green plushy die and rolled it himself. “Doug is our high roller,” the Grandmaster beamed. The Arbiter disagreed: “Doug’s a piece of shit. Don’t let him fool you.” Snoop had his own view: “Doug is a very cute lizard.”

Lions, Handshakes and Vanishing Acts

The Acolytes granted each champion a single heroic boon, with a warning from the Grandmaster: “If you die before using it, I’ll kill you again.” A lion pounced on Mcswiggins and missed. The dwarf planted his axe in its jaw, twirled it around, slam-dunked it into the Box of Chaos and elbowed the lid shut. The mushrooms had given Gerald the munchies, and moments later the lion’s bones flew out onto the floor. The pink flames then wrapped Mcswiggins’ arm and burned a lion symbol into it, a protective tattoo. Snoop, ever the good sport, argued that it ought to actually help his opponent, and the Arbiter agreed to make it slightly useful. “Man, that’s a super sick tattoo there, dude.” It would come back to bite him, or rather keep Dog from biting. When Snoop complained, Gerald shrugged: “I didn’t know it was your lion. It could have been anybody’s lion.”

Mcswiggins slipped past the surviving lion and buried his axe in Snoop. Snoop begged for mercy, reminding him about the mushrooms, and the dwarf seemed moved. “You did give me mushrooms. Put her there.” He held out his hand, and then sucker-punched Snoop from the side with the other. “Gotcha. They said to the death.”

Snoop’s voice climbed higher the angrier he got. “Fuck you, dude. I’m gonna fucking stab you.” He landed one stab, then revealed that he knew “a little bit of magic” and turned invisible. Mcswiggins’ magic-hunting instincts had nothing to grab onto, and the little rider slipped away while the dwarf flailed at empty air. “I can hear him! My god, I will never stop hearing him! But I can’t see him!” This time the Arbiter’s roll was fine, but Doug rolled anyway, and his chair floated up until his head sat higher than the Arbiter’s.

The Atmosphere Thickens

During a short break, the Grandmaster told the Acolytes to eat more to “produce our atmosphere,” and they offered up fish farts, beer farts, Doritos-and-cheese farts, peanut farts and chili. Mcswiggins took a deep breath and felt only nostalgia. “You merely adopted the farts. I was born in them. Molded by them.” Snoop choked, threw up, and lost his invisibility, and the fog hurt him worse than the axe had.

Mcswiggins gave the remaining lion a pat (“ah, good kitty”) on his way past and laid into Snoop with his axe, while Dog bit at him. The Arbiter, it turned out, had placed bets on Snoop, and he praised him as an honorable fighter. “I fucking turned invisible and ran away!” Snoop protested. The Arbiter blessed him anyway for being truthful. Snoop used the lull to recommend pets for mental health. Mcswiggins had his own remedy: “My mental health is just fine. I’ve got drink for that.”

Then Snoop went all out. He ate one of the red mushrooms, climbed onto Dog’s back and stabbed downward as Dog leapt into the air. “Dog, unleash the lightning!” A cone of lightning burst from Dog’s jaws. Mcswiggins answered by sealing himself inside a pillar of amber, beer-colored ice that rose from the ground. Through it, the Grandmaster reported, “You can see him on the inside licking his frozen beer.” Free again, he cracked open his flask, which magically refills itself, and took five. As the ice melted into a beer puddle on the floor, the last lion drank it and whiffed completely. The Grandmaster had seen enough. She lifted the lion out of the fart fog and retired it to a seat beside Doug, who licked its wounds like a kind nurse until it fell asleep drunk.

Snoop rounded on Gerald: “You gave me two defective lions, and he got a sick tattoo!” Gerald was offended. “Hey, hey, hey, man. You’re kinda harsh on my buzz… Lions can either be ferocious or they can fit in your pocket. You can’t have both.” Then he shut his lid and vanished.

Something Climbs Out of the Hole

The Arbiter’s next roll crossed the line. “Enough! Begin the summoning, Arbiter!” The ground shook and the walls wiggled. “Are you, is that happening, or am I just fucked up?” Mcswiggins asked. Potions and carvings appeared on the walls where there had been none. Then a giant hole opened in the floor, and an Aeorian Reverser climbed out of it. “Another kitty,” said Mcswiggins. “You’re not gonna like this one,” said the Arbiter.

The beast went straight for Dog with a savage bite, but Snoop spent his boon, threw himself in front and kicked Dog clear. “Dog, I’ve got you!” He took the hit and stabbed the monster in the mouth for good measure. “A hero point for the animals!” cried the Grandmaster. Snoop proposed a truce: “All right, Mcswiggins, fuck this dude, and we can finish our fight later.” Mcswiggins had “an idea brewing in the old brain box.” He would ride it. The Reverser grabbed him, used his own momentum against him and hurled him at Snoop. It missed Snoop, and the dwarf hit the floor. “He really pulled the reversal on that one,” noted the Arbiter. Wounded pride got the better of Mcswiggins, who cursed the creature and forgot Snoop existed entirely. That left Snoop free to drive his spear up into the Reverser’s throat with a perfect strike, ending it while it was busy with the dwarf.

Down the Toilet

With the monster dead, the two combatants took five. Mcswiggins handed Snoop his flask: “Hold my flask. I’m going to go rock a piss into that hole.” Snoop politely declined to stab him in the back, shared the booze with Dog, and gave him a corner pep talk (“Good job, Doug”). The Arbiter reminded everyone that this was not a toilet. “We have HR. You can’t just whip your dick out anywhere in this arena.” Snoop even waited for Mcswiggins to work himself back into a rage before they resumed.

Then he charged and slammed his shield into the dwarf. “Down the toilet! Put that piece of shit where he belongs!” Mcswiggins caught the rim, his hands now soaked with a little bit of dribble from where his piss had hit it. Snoop climbed off Dog and grabbed his hands for a moment straight out of a lion king: “Long live the king!” Mcswiggins held on, and the two ended up holding hands with fingers interlocked. Dog latched onto the dwarf’s feet, Mcswiggins slipped, and he decided he would at least take one of them with him.

He fell into the abyss, “through space and time, what feels like forever,” at peace: “I peed so far, and fought so hard, and in the end, it was fucking awesome.” Then Snoop clapped, and Dog popped back to his side. Mcswiggins was “no longer at as much peace, but whatever.” After all, “It wouldn’t be the first time I landed in a pool of my own piss.” The Grandmaster ordered the Arbiter to clean up the mess, and he dove headfirst into the hole with a plunger in hand.

The Grandmaster flew down, took Snoop’s hand (he had to reach way up for it) and spun him through the sky “like a carnival” as the Acolytes chanted “Snoop & Dog! Snoop & Dog!” Fresh air returned and the farts dissipated, which the Grandmaster called a victory on its own.

Dried Blood

Snoop gave a post-game interview like a seasoned athlete. The game plan from the beginning was to “take some shrooms,” then “turn invisible, run away a whole lot.” He blamed the lions on a lack of practice and felt Gerald owed him an insurance payout. Mcswiggins, who had thought the box’s name was Greg, admitted that for about thirty minutes he believed he was hallucinating, before remembering he hadn’t eaten the mushroom yet.

Then came a darker scene. Still falling through the timeless abyss, Mcswiggins finally ate the mushroom and saw an angelic figure descending: the Arbiter, wings flared, plunger in hand. “Mom?” “No. I mean, what’s your mom look like? Is she hot?” The Arbiter stuck the plunger to the dwarf’s head, flew him through a portal into his lair, sat him down with a tankard of ale and said, “You stay right there. I’m going to have a use for you very soon.”

Notable Moments

• The Arbiter revealed that he owns “a fine collection of shoes from all the people I’ve killed.”
• Snoop fed both bags of mushrooms to Gerald, who got high and handed over a pair of golden lions.
• Mcswiggins slam-dunked a lion into the Box of Chaos, and Gerald ate it.
• The Grandmaster retired the drunk, useless second lion to sit beside Doug, who nursed it.
• Rivals called a truce against the Aeorian Reverser; Mcswiggins tried and failed to ride it, and Snoop killed it.
• “Long live the king!” ended with Snoop and Mcswiggins holding hands over the hole before the dwarf fell.

Memorable Quotes

• The Arbiter: “I have a fine collection of shoes from all the people I’ve killed.”
• Snoop: “Dogs are scaly. Why do I feel like the crazy person here?”
• Mcswiggins: “Gotcha. They said to the death.”
• Mcswiggins: “You merely adopted the farts. I was born in them. Molded by them.”
• Gerald: “Lions can either be ferocious or they can fit in your pocket. You can’t have both.”
• The Arbiter: “This is an informal fight to the death, but… this is not a toilet… We have HR. You can’t just whip your dick out anywhere in this arena.”
• Mcswiggins: “I peed so far, and fought so hard, and in the end, it was fucking awesome. I’m at peace.”
• The Arbiter: “You stay right there. I’m going to have a use for you very soon.”

Who and What Appears

Characters

Snoop (RunawayRobot_). A short adventurer, about 4’6½”, who wears heeled Italian leather shoes to look taller.

• Mushrooms: he arrived high on magic mushrooms kept in Dog’s saddlebag. Purple ones make you happy; red ones cause a “blood frenzy” and he takes them before fights. He ate a red one before Fury of the Small.
• Fighting style: a Drakewarden-style rider who mounts Dog. Spear, shield (Shield Master shove), invisibility (a trait, not a spell), favored foe, Fury of the Small, Mounted Combatant.
• Personality: laid-back, friendly, voice gets higher when angry. Calls himself “the non-winners,” not losers. Recommends pets for mental health. Mixes up “Doug” and “Dog.”
• Lore: “I’ve been down this alley before” with a Box of Chaos, and “the last one I saw didn’t talk.”
• In this episode: befriended Gerald, gained and lost two lions, saved Dog with his hero point, killed the Aeorian Reverser, and shoved Mcswiggins into the hole with the “long live the king” line. The Arbiter bet on him.

Dog (RunawayRobot_). Snoop’s “dragon dog,” a scaly silver dragon drake companion that says “woof.” It bites ankles, breathes a cone of lightning, can be ridden, and can be clapped back to Snoop’s side. Two natural 20s; “the real MVP.” Snoop calls him “the backbone of this partnership.” Everyone else insists he is not a dog.

Ulfgar Greyblade / “Mcswiggins, the Everthirsty” (bonus_stage_rob). A broad dwarf, about 4’8”, a barbarian with warlock (Hexblade) abilities.

• Titles: “the toughest son of a bitch in Drakboldor [?], and the pride of the drunken master.”
• Name: he insists he goes by Mcswiggins. The sign-up said Ulfgar; the Arbiter blames friends signing people up.
• Gear and powers:
  • Greataxe holding ancestral protectors he invokes as “Jamison, Johnny, and Jack.”
  • An enchanted, endlessly refilling flask.
  • Mage Slayer (“Mage Bane”), Eldritch Smite, Hexblade’s Curse.
  • Beer-colored ice tomb (“tomb of Lastavus”).
• Personality: drunk and confused; at home in fart air (“born in them”). Pees on the arena wall and into the hole. “Eat, drink, be merry”; treats his mental health with drink. Thought Gerald was “Greg.” Loves “the men of Italy,” a band of mustached bards.
• In this episode:
  • Got a lion barrier tattoo from Gerald.
  • Sucker-punched Snoop during a handshake.
  • Tried to ride the Reverser and was thrown.
  • Fell into the abyss.
  • In Dried Blood, the Arbiter caught him with a plunger and took him to his lair, “I’m going to have a use for you very soon.”

Gerald (Mudcat). The creature in the Box of Chaos: yellow eyes, shadowy claws.

• Talks.
• Ate both bags of Snoop’s mushrooms, and his eyes turned to yellow spirals.
• Rummages through a cluttered box interior.
• Gave the golden lions, then ate one.
• Defends himself: “It could have been anybody’s lion”; “Lions can either be ferocious or they can fit in your pocket.”
• Left mid-buzz.

The golden lions. A pair of figurine-of-wondrous-power lions. One was slam-dunked into the box and eaten. The other, the “busted lion”/“cat,” missed repeatedly, drank the melted beer, rolled a natural 1, and was retired by the Grandmaster to sit beside Doug, where it fell asleep drunk.

The Aeorian Reverser. Summoned out of the lost plane’s hole. It nearly crit Dog, threw Mcswiggins, and was killed by Snoop.

Doug the Pug (Caustic Phoenix). Sits beside the Grandmaster on a fluffy pillow and pedestal and rolls a green plushy D20 when the Arbiter rolls badly. He “glows with ethereal ability”; his chair floats higher than the Arbiter’s head. He nursed the retired lion. Snoop calls him a “non-dog” and a “very cute lizard”; the Arbiter says Doug “rolled like shit” last week.

The Arbiter (Mudcat).

• Wears dead men’s shoes: “Italian leather” tap-like shoes, then corpse sandals; a fine collection of shoes from all the people he’s killed.
• Hit Mcswiggins with a metal chair.
• Bet on Snoop.
• Enforces “this is not a toilet… we have HR.”
• Plunged into the abyss, and in Dried Blood took Mcswiggins to his lair.

Grandmaster Elusia Skypiercer (Caustic Phoenix).

• Throne room in the Dread Fortress; very large bedazzled crown.
• Declared Tuesday screaming night and made the shoe rule (“insurance”).
• Chose the lost plane, chaired Snoop, and retired the lion.
• “She makes the rules.”
• Flew Snoop up to the cheering Acolytes.

The Acolytes. Their farts sink into the arena. They chose fish, beer, Doritos/cheese, peanut and chili farts. Front-row ponchos.

Places

• The Dread Fortress: halls with servants and goblins; the Grandmaster’s throne room.
• The lost plane (“for those things that are lost”; “the arena of lost farts”):
  • Membrane/testicle-like ground with vines; S-curved walls with shimmering empty shelves.
  • Potions and carvings appear when reality shifts.
  • A giant hole leads into a dark abyss, falling “through space and time, what feels like forever” (“the abyss of the forgotten”). It’s called a toilet.
• The Arbiter’s lair (Dried Blood): reached by portal.
• Drakboldor [?]: Mcswiggins’ home turf.

Items

• The golden lion figurines; Mcswiggins’ lion barrier tattoo.
• The metal chairs.
• Snoop’s purple and red mushrooms; heeled Italian leather shoes.
• The Arbiter’s metal-soled “Italian leather” shoes, corpse sandals, and plunger.
• Mcswiggins’ refilling flask; Doug’s green plushy D20.

Lore statements

• The arena can be a lost plane where lost and forgotten things gather and can appear.
• Gerald can talk, eats, gets high, and can choose to leave.
• The Arbiter places bets on champions.

Full Round-by-Round

Every beat of the episode, with timestamps (click to expand)

Opening — the Dread Fortress

1. 0:00:00 Intro: “Welcome to D20 Deathmatch! We have returned to the Dread Fortress!” A table gag: someone screams the intro out (“I could do this all fucking day”). The GM declares Tuesday night screaming night and “jots it down on her calendar.”
2. 0:00:42 The Arbiter walks the halls of the Dread Fortress. His heels clack, servants scurry, goblins chatter in the corners, and the air is damp. He peeks into the Grandmaster’s throne room: “Grandmaster, are you here this week?”
3. 0:01:07 The Grandmaster is pacing with her hands behind her back: “Where have you been?” She heard the clacking down the hall: “Are you wearing tap shoes?” He says they’re Italian leather.
4. 0:01:39 — The dead man’s shoes. The Arbiter took the shoes from a man he killed, whose dying words were “take care of my Italian leather shoes.” A perception check (19) shows metal pieces on the soles. GM: “He’s a liar. He’s a dead liar, but he’s a liar.” The Arbiter calls the dead man “a shyster” and refuses to keep wearing them, so he takes them off and goes barefoot.
5. 0:02:30 — Shoe policy. The GM rules that shoes are required in the arena (“spikes and gross stuff on the ground, blood… It’s a safety thing. It’s insurance.”). The Arbiter snaps his fingers and puts on vacation sandals, also taken from a corpse: “I have a fine collection of shoes from all the people I’ve killed.” GM: “I don’t want to know.”
6. 0:03:34 — Introductions. The Arbiter announces “Ulfgar Greyblade versus Snoop & Dog.” Snoop can’t find where the Arbiter’s voice is coming from (“I’m standing literally right here”).
7. 0:04:02 — Snoop. Snoop’s own fine Italian leather shoes have heels to make him a couple of inches taller (“makes people think more of me”). “Hi, I’m Snoop. This is my dragon dog. He’s a silver dragon.” It’s hot in here, and he has never done this before. He says Dog is very well-versed in battle and “really the backbone of this partnership.” Snoop relies on him for his day-to-day routine.
8. 0:05:10 — “How high are you?” The GM means his height. Snoop hears the other meaning: he ate magic mushrooms on the way in and is “incredibly” high. “I’m really not sure where I am right now… the world takes care of everything.” His height is about four foot six and a half. He stands on his toes for extra height. Arbiter: “Sounds about fighting height to me.”
9. 0:06:05 — Ulfgar / Mcswiggins. He addresses Dog as if Dog were Elusia; he’s disoriented and has clearly “had more than a few.” “Ulfgar Greyblade. You may know me as Mcswiggins, the Everthirsty, the toughest son of a bitch in Drakboldor [?], and the pride of the drunken master.” The GM points out her very large, bedazzled crown: “It’s okay, dog, we’ll get you a crown.” He starts his introduction again from the top and loses track of whether he already said it.
10. 0:07:27 — The name mix-up. “What is a Mcswiggins?” He sees “Ulfgar” written up somewhere and insists it’s Mcswiggins. The GM sidebars: did the Arbiter write the wrong name? The Arbiter: “This is what happens when you put out a general call for people to fight to the death… their friends sign them up… I’m not in charge of the sign-up list… This guy’s obviously drunk. He doesn’t even know his own name.”
11. 0:07:43 — Mushrooms. Snoop wonders whether it’s the purple mushrooms. Mcswiggins asks if he’s still holding. The mushrooms are in Dog’s saddlebag. Snoop explains: purple mushrooms make you light and happy; red ones he takes right before a fight, and Dog says they help him fight better. “I think he calls it a blood frenzy?” He gives Mcswiggins “the biggest one I have left. You’re kind of a big guy.” Mcswiggins is a broad dwarf of about 4’8”, so he looks up only slightly, “at an angle.”
12. 0:09:40 Mcswiggins asks Snoop, whom he takes for an audience member, about Dog’s fighting style. The GM hushes it (“you don’t have to give that away”). Snoop: “We’re the ones, we’re fighting. You and me, and Dog.” Mcswiggins: “I’m fighting two people? That hardly seems fair.” Arbiter: “To be fair, one’s not a person.” The Arbiter promises to make it up to Mcswiggins afterwards “if you’re not dead.” Mcswiggins: “No one ever dies.” GM: “Well, one of you will have to die tonight… challenge your opponent to draw their very last breath.”

The arena — a lost plane

13. 0:11:08 The Arbiter rips open a portal, and dank, moist, stale air flows out. The ground is squishy like a membrane, crossed by vines, and the air is hot and thick, “as if you were walking through someone’s fart.” The GM revises the image: “it looks like you’re walking on a testicle.” Mcswiggins: “You should write poetry.”
14. 0:12:20 The walls weave in curves, making S’s. Their nooks hold shelves that shimmer, but nothing is visibly on them. GM: “I’ve decided to take you to an interesting plane. Lost plane for those things that are lost. But even here, they can be hard to find. So search around and perhaps you might be able to find that which has been forgotten.”
15. 0:13:07 As she opens her wings and flies up, the fog briefly clears and the cool air feels heavenly. Above sit the Acolytes, whose farts are falling down onto the arena. A science check: farts are heavier than air, so they sink. GM: “Welcome to the arena of lost farts.” She promises fighters “short in stature” but epic fights, “and there’s also a dog that’s not a dog.”
16. 0:14:37 — Is Dog a dog? Snoop: “He’s a dog. Look at him.” Mcswiggins: “It’s a very scaly dog.” “Dogs are scaly. Why do I feel like the crazy person here?” GM: “a hairless, scaly dog.” Dog: “Woof.” Doug the Pug, seated next to the Grandmaster, barks back, and his whole body shakes when he barks.
17. 0:15:26 Snoop: “Why do I feel like I’m walking on testicles?” Arbiter: “Don’t ask questions you don’t want to know the answer to.” GM: “Someone lost theirs.” Mcswiggins: “Those are some big nuts.”
18. 0:15:54 The Arbiter flies up: “There are ponchos underneath your seats for those of you in the front row. Mind the splash zone.” Both champions start in the S-pockets of the map, with no line of sight to each other. The Acolytes demand the Box of Chaos and a chaos event.
19. 0:17:12 The initiative loser rolls the chaos event. Mcswiggins gets 15 and Snoop & Dog 14.

The Box of Chaos — Gerald arrives

20. 0:17:45 As a consolation prize, the Box of Chaos slams down next to Snoop. Pink and purple flames shoot up in a column but give no heat. The lid creaks open, and two bright yellow eyes and shadowy claws reach over the side. Snoop: “I’ve been down this alley before, man. I don’t want any.” The box speaks: “Why does this place look like a testicle?” Snoop: “Wait, you can talk… the last one I saw didn’t talk. Do you want some mushrooms?”
21. 0:18:35 The GM rules that interacting with the box is a free action. Snoop objects to “loser”: “The non-winners.” He rolls a 17.

Chaos event — metal chairs (0:19:14)

22. The Grandmaster pulls two metal chairs from behind her seat and hands one to the Arbiter. Both fly at the champions to open with a chair shot.
23. 0:20:11 Mcswiggins is in the middle of “the extremely long piss he’s taking against the wall of the testicle arena.” “I will not be caught down with my pants again. Wait, no, caught with my pants down.” The Arbiter’s chair hits Mcswiggins (“Got off light, sucker”).
24. 0:20:59 The Grandmaster’s chair gives Snoop a glancing blow, scraping down his shin with a little rust, for half damage. Snoop: “My fine Italian shoes.” Snoop: “I don’t want to play anymore.” Arbiter: “Too bad. I win. Chaos has been served.”

Round 1

25. 0:22:01 — The rage. Cold-cocked by a chair, Mcswiggins rages, and ancestral protectors emanate from his axe: “Oh, hear me, Jamison, Johnny, and Jack. I call upon you, we’re on the attack.” He sprints out of his crevice and looks for his opponent.
26. 0:23:17 Snoop shushes Dog (“Woof. Woof.”). Mcswiggins gets a perception of 20 and spots the side of Snoop’s Italian leather boot sticking out from cover. “I know Italian leather anywhere. Come here, you chair-wielding menace!” Snoop: “Wait, that wasn’t me!” The sprint uses Mcswiggins’ whole turn.
27. 0:24:02 — Snoop befriends Gerald. “Box guy!” “My name’s Gerald.” Snoop offers the happy kind or the blood-rage kind of mushroom. Gerald wants both, so Snoop dumps both bags of shrooms into the box. Gerald’s eyes turn into yellow spirals. “I’ll be right back.”
28. 0:25:39 The box shakes, and Gerald can be heard tripping over all the stuff inside. He comes back up: “this is all I can find.” He hands over a pair of golden lion figurines, figurines of wondrous power; each can become a lion for up to an hour. Mcswiggins: “I didn’t realize I was fighting a menagerie.” GM: “This is Matt Damon with his zoo.”
29. 0:26:56 — Guard lions. Snoop summons both lions to guard Gerald (“Gerald is mine now”). “Look at these fucking lions, dude! Gerald and I are gonna chill over here.” He sends Dog around the back to bite ankles.
30. 0:28:41 — Dog’s ankle bite. Dog is Snoop’s Drake companion. Dog rolls a natural 20 and bites Mcswiggins’ ankles with piercing and lightning. “Dog knows how to bite them ankles.” “Woof.” Dog gets a token: “It’s not white, but… It’ll do.”
31. 0:31:34 The lions obey spoken commands. GM: “This is dog. Meet cat.” Snoop: “Bite those ankles! Go, cat!” GM: “Why do you hate ankles so much?” Snoop: “Because I’m very short and it’s all I can see.”
32. 0:32:38 — Doug rolls. The Arbiter’s end-of-round roll is bad. Doug hops onto his pedestal with a green plushy D20 in his mouth, spits it out and rolls a 6, for a total of eight. Snoop: “What is that non-dog doing with the green thing?” GM: Doug “glows with ethereal ability… Doug is our high roller. So every time the Arbiter fails us, Doug’s here to save the day.” Arbiter: “You forgot last week when Doug rolled like shit… Doug’s a piece of shit. Don’t let him fool you.” Snoop: “Doug is a very cute lizard.” GM: “Look at Doug. Cute lizard.”

Round 2

33. 0:34:00 The Acolytes award each champion one hero point. GM: “If you die before using it, I’ll kill you again.” Snoop: “Gerald and I are gonna chill over here. You can just… fuck off.” Mcswiggins: “Many a time, but not today!”
34. 0:35:02 A lion pounces at Mcswiggins and misses.
35. 0:35:28 — The slam dunk. Mcswiggins, “tipsy turvy,” plants his axe in the lion’s jaw. With his hero point he twirls the lion around, slam-dunks it into the Box of Chaos and elbows the lid shut. His strength check gets advantage for the hero point and comes up 22. GM: “All those mushrooms made Gerald hungry. Gerald’s gonna eat the lion!”
36. 0:37:29 The table asks whether there’s a body of water. “It’s inside the testicle, clearly… he is stored in the balls… It’s biology.”
37. 0:37:57 — The lion tattoo. The lid flips open and the lion’s bones fly out onto the floor. The pink flames wrap Mcswiggins’ arm and burn a lion symbol into it: a barrier tattoo. It’s the lowest rarity, which would leave his unarmored AC unchanged or worse, so Snoop’s player argues on his behalf. The Arbiter concedes +1 AC: “You get a cool tattoo.” Snoop: “Man, that’s a super sick tattoo there, dude.” Mcswiggins: “You’re gonna see it up close, nice and personal.”
38. 0:39:54 Snoop: “Gerald ate one of my fucking lions… I thought we were bros, Gerald.” Gerald: “I didn’t know it was your lion. It could have been anybody’s lion.”
39. 0:40:13 Mcswiggins sidesteps the other lion and goes at Snoop. Dog’s opportunity bite misses because of the new +1 AC. Arbiter: “I gave that to you! Remember, you advocated for that.” Snoop’s player: “I want my friend to have fun.”
40. 0:41:05 A reckless greataxe swing hits Snoop. “Fuck, dude! Jesus! Watch where you put that shit!” The rage damage is sorted out mid-swing (Beyond20 toggle).
41. 0:43:18 — The handshake. Snoop begs him not to swing again: “You killed my lion and get to attack me twice… I gave you mushrooms and stuff.” It’s persuasion against insight. Mcswiggins seems swayed: “You did give me mushrooms.” “Put her there.” He reaches out his hand, then lands an unarmed strike, a sucker punch: “Gotcha. They said to the death.” The GM lets him roll stealth to see whether anyone noticed the hand coming in from the side. He gets 21, and “barbarian sneak attack” adds a small bonus. Snoop: “What the fuck, dude? What is this shit?”
42. 0:45:45 The remaining lion bites Mcswiggins and draws blood. “Good job, cat!” It wags its tail. “Wow, you’re as long as a dog!”
43. 0:46:49 — Snoop’s revenge. “Fuck you, dude. I’m gonna fucking stab you.” His voice gets higher the angrier he gets (Arbiter: “as if someone was walking on your testicles”). One strike hits and the second misses (“Mcswiggins is wise to your second swing”).
44. 0:47:43 — Invisibility. “Now I know a little bit of magic as well.” Snoop turns invisible. Mcswiggins tries his Mage Slayer reaction: “This is why they call me Mage Bane!” It’s ruled a trait, not a spell, so nothing triggers. Snoop: “It’s all the farts. I’m gonna leave now. You can’t see me. Buh-bye!”
45. 0:48:48 Snoop slips past at disadvantage because of his armor. Mcswiggins’ opportunity attack also has disadvantage, and it misses. “You slippery little bastard!” Snoop: “Doug, cover my retreat!” Mcswiggins: “I can hear him! My god, I will never stop hearing him! But I can’t see him!” Dog holds his ground to guard the space.
46. 0:50:34 The Arbiter’s roll is 13 (“at least three above average”). Doug rolls anyway, prances on his fluffy pillow, and his chair floats up so his head sits higher than the Arbiter’s. “That’s a good lizard.”
47. 0:51:30 — Break. The GM says the Acolytes need to eat more to “produce our atmosphere” and asks what kind of food farts they’re offering. Mcswiggins: “Oh, it’s just like being home.” Break cut: “welcome back” at 0:52:08.

Chaos — the Acolytes’ farts (0:52:20)

48. Chat offers its farts: fish farts, beer farts (“Professional Guinness drinker here. It’s awful”), Doritos and cheese farts, peanut farts, a bear eating popcorn, and chili. “The buttholes are on fire.” Both champions make constitution saves.
49. 0:53:44 Mcswiggins rolls a 20. GM: “You were basically born in this atmosphere… oh, I’m home.” Mcswiggins: “You merely adopted the farts. I was born in them. Molded by them.”
50. 0:54:11 Snoop fails and takes necrotic damage from the thick fart fog. “That’s more than he hit me with an axe for.” He loses invisibility, hacking and throwing up.

Round 3

51. 0:55:10 Mcswiggins pats the nearby lion: “ah, good kitty”, then sprints at Snoop. The lion’s opportunity bite misses. Snoop: “Spin your shit around and actually bite him next time!” Dog’s guarding bite lands. The GM rounds damage up: “We’re here for blood… We ain’t nice.”
52. 0:56:51 Mcswiggins attacks “shrecklessly” with the greataxe and puts an Eldritch Smite on the hit. Snoop takes a heavy blow. Mcswiggins swings again where Snoop recoiled: “hold still the two of you!” Snoop reminds him that reckless attacks get advantage: “Thanks, Dad!”
53. 0:59:02 — The Arbiter’s bet. “Snoop, you’re an honorable fighter and I like that.” Snoop: “I fucking turned invisible and ran away! Honorable!” The Arbiter has placed bets on Snoop and gives him a 1d4 bonus for one roll “for being truthful.”
54. 0:59:33 — Pets and therapy. Mcswiggins sneers at summoning cats and dogs. Snoop: pets “can really help with your mental health.” Mcswiggins: “My mental health is just fine. I’ve got drink for that… Eat, drink, be merry. I do all three of those all the time.” Snoop suggests therapy. GM: “That’s a lifestyle.”
55. 1:00:24 The “busted lion” misses again. GM: “This is like secondhand lions… This one needs to be retired… Taken to the farm.” Arbiter: good, “my Italian leather shoes are falling apart and I could use some more glue for the soles.” GM: “You mean your tap shoes.” Arbiter: “The men of Italy like to be heard when they enter a room. It’s a status thing.” Mcswiggins: “The men of Italy. I love that band. They’re bards and they all have magnificent mustaches.”
56. 1:01:23 — Snoop goes all out. “Snoopaloop!” “Mcswiggins, I’m super sorry about this… I’m gonna have to go all out! Just this once!” He summons his guard drake to his side and mounts Dog. “You’re gonna be my favorite enemy for a while.” His spear strikes hit, and he uses Fury of the Small once. Description: Dog leaps into the air while Snoop stabs downward; “it’s very clear that he has taken one of the red mushrooms now.”
57. 1:03:33 “Dog, unleash the lightning!” A large cone of lightning bursts from Dog’s mouth. Mcswiggins saves with Danger Sense and takes half. GM: “Yippee-ki-yay, cowboy!”
58. 1:04:45 — The beer ice. As a reaction, Mcswiggins is encased in ice that looks like it’s made of beer, slightly amber, rising from the ground, and gains a big pool of temporary hit points. The Arbiter identifies it as “the tomb of Lastavus” [Levistus]. Inside, he’s incapacitated and vulnerable to fire. GM: “You can see him on the inside licking his frozen beer.” Snoop: “Oh, it tastes like victory… my faithful steed.”
59. 1:06:28 The Arbiter rolls 17. GM: “good enough that Doug doesn’t even need to get up.” Arbiter: “Stay where the fuck you are, Doug.” GM: “Check that [attitude] for a hot second.”

Round 4

60. 1:06:52 Mcswiggins is “just vibing.” He cracks open his flask, magically enchanted to keep refilling, and takes five.
61. 1:07:26 — The drunk lion. At the end of his turn the beer ice melts onto the floor. The lion drinks it and attacks at disadvantage: natural 1. The GM slams her hand down: “I am taking this lion out. It is out of commission. I am going to put it out in a nice place where it can retire happily.” She lifts it out of the farts and seats it next to Doug, who licks its wounds like a kind nurse. It later falls asleep drunk.
62. 1:08:41 — Snoop vs Gerald. “Gerald, what the fuck, dude? You gave me two defective lions, and he got a sick tattoo!” Gerald: “Hey, hey, hey, man. You’re kinda harsh on my buzz.” Snoop: “I gave you the buzz!” Gerald: “they’re your lions… Lions can either be ferocious or they can fit in your pocket. You can’t have both.” Snoop: “Why not?” “I don’t know, man.” Gerald shuts the lid and the box disappears. Mcswiggins: “Gerald, you and I have to talk next round… No, no, Gerald, we were going to hang.”
63. 1:10:05 Snoop closes the distance. His hit is ruled a glancing blow on top of rage, so quarter damage. Arbiter: “We don’t make the rules, we just enforce them. And we also make them.” GM: “Tell no one.” Arbiter: “She makes the rules, I enforce them.” Dog bites for a small amount.
64. 1:11:42 The GM calls for animal handling: “You seem to be losing control of your animals.” Snoop gets 25, slipping “Doug and I are one” (he means Dog). Mcswiggins: “You don’t even know his name.” The GM grants Dog advantage next round. Snoop: “I’m just having a minor panic attack.”

Chaos — the Aeorian Reverser (1:12:40)

65. The Arbiter rolls 19: “Enough! Begin the summoning, Arbiter! You have hit the threshold!” The testicle-ground shakes and the walls wiggle. Mcswiggins: “Are you, is that happening, or am I just fucked up?”
66. 1:13:09 “This is a place of lost and forgotten things.” Potions and carvings that weren’t there appear on the walls. A giant hole manifests, and an Aeorian Reverser climbs out of it. Mcswiggins: “Another kitty.” Arbiter: “You’re not gonna like this one, trust me.” Time and space distort, so initiative is rerolled. Snoop: “I am sufficiently spooked!”
67. 1:14:50 — Snoop saves Dog. The Reverser lands a critical bite on Dog. Snoop uses Mounted Combatant to take the hit himself: “You’re goddamn right I’m taking the damage for Dog… Dog, go on without me.” The GM offers a heroic parry roll-off. He spends his hero point for advantage and slides in front, kicking Dog back, and gets 23 against the Arbiter’s 22. “Dog, I’ve got you!” “Wow! You saved Dog!” He negates the crit and stabs into the Reverser’s mouth. GM: “A hero point for the animals!”
68. 1:18:10 — Truce. Snoop: “All right, Mcswiggins, fuck this dude, and we can finish our fight later. This is some bullshit.” Mcswiggins: “I gots me an idea brewing in the old brain box.”
69. 1:18:30 Snoop circles around for “a booty shot.” GM: “Smack that ass.” He switches his favored foe from Mcswiggins to the Reverser. Dog rolls another natural 20 bite, and the lightning gets through its magic resistance because it’s just dragon lightning. “Dog is the real MVP.” GM: “We’re really bad at this chanting thing.” Snoop: “Mcswiggins! Finish it off!”
70. 1:20:47 — The failed ride. “Mcswiggins is going to try and get on the reverser.” GM: “I love this idea. I like how this guy thinks.” In a strength-off, the Reverser rolls a natural 20, grabs Mcswiggins, uses his momentum and throws him at Snoop. It misses Snoop, and Mcswiggins hits the ground. “I have my own worthy steed for this elegant combat. No, epic combat.” Arbiter: “He really pulled the reversal on that one.” GM: “at least he didn’t get ridden.”
71. 1:22:48 Mcswiggins lays a Hexblade’s Curse on it: “I say, fuck the ever loving fuck out of that thing. You’re a dick… I thought we were cool, man. You were gonna be my steed.” He has completely forgotten Snoop exists.

Round 6

72. 1:24:10 The Reverser claws and bites Mcswiggins, including force damage that rage doesn’t halve. The table jokes about “lion totem”, since he has the lion tattoo: “Just so happens lions are resistant to force damage… Always have been.”
73. 1:25:50 — Snoop kills the Reverser. His first strike misses. His second is a natural 20, and he obliterates it. Snoop to Mcswiggins: “I feel like they’re cheating up there. Like, we’re supposed to be fighting each other, and they send this monster in after us, and you’re not even paying attention to me anymore.” He had to “casually stab the dude up in the throat while he’s having the conversation.”
74. 1:26:46 — Take five. Mcswiggins: “I kind of have to piss again. I think I broke the seal.” Snoop: “Do you want to take five?… I’m going to give Dog a snack.” “Does he drink?” “Sometimes… a little bit off the top.” Mcswiggins: “Hold my flask. I’m going to go rock a piss into that hole.” Snoop declines the opportunity attack. He gives Dog some alcohol from Mcswiggins’ flask, takes some himself, and gives Dog temporary hit points. In “corner-ring pep talks,” Snoop tells Dog: “Good job, Doug… Now it’s just us against Mcswiggins… That monster really fucked him up.”
75. 1:28:35 — HR. Arbiter: “This is an informal fight to the death, but… this is not a toilet… We have HR. You can’t just whip your dick out anywhere in this arena.” “There’s a line.” Mcswiggins: “Wait, but I don’t see a line. Where’s the line?” Snoop: “Shake it more than twice, you’re playing with it.” Snoop politely lets Mcswiggins rage again before they resume. A surprise unpleasant noise follows, and GM: “you are not a rogue, quit surprising us.”

Round 7 — down the toilet

76. 1:30:13 Snoop charges and makes a Shield Master shove to push Mcswiggins into the hole. “Down the toilet! Put that piece of shit where he belongs!” It succeeds.
77. 1:31:01 Mcswiggins gets a strength save to catch himself and hangs on the rim, “your hands now soaked with… a little bit of dribble because you hit the rim.” Snoop: “What the fuck? That’s not cool, man.”
78. 1:31:49 — “Long live the king.” Snoop climbs off Dog, goes to the edge and clenches Mcswiggins’ hands for “the Scar moment”: “Long live the king!” In the strength roll-off Mcswiggins wins, so the two end up holding hands with fingers interlocked.
79. 1:32:33 Dog bites (dirty 20) and latches onto Mcswiggins, hanging from his feet. Mcswiggins makes another save at disadvantage and fails. He says back: “Long live the king.” Snoop: “I heard that in a movie once.” Mcswiggins: “I have to go down at least. I’m taking one of the fighters with me.”
80. 1:33:56 OOC: Snoop can clap his hands and Dog will disappear and reappear beside him. Mcswiggins doesn’t know that.
81. 1:34:09 — The fall. “Mcswiggins, you fall into this dark hole, this dark abyss, falling through space and time, what feels like forever.” Mcswiggins: “I peed so far, and fought so hard, and in the end, it was fucking awesome. I’m at peace.”
82. 1:34:51 “Dog, come back!” Dog pops back next to Snoop. “You thought I was just going to hit him off the edge? No.” Mcswiggins: “No longer at as much peace, but whatever… It wouldn’t be the first time I landed in a pool of my own piss. There’s worse ways to die.”
83. 1:35:13 GM: “As you fall, spiraling into the abyss of the forgotten. Arbiter, clean up that mess.” The Arbiter snaps a plunger into his hand and dives headfirst into the abyss with it: “someday you’re gonna clean the fucking toilets.” Mcswiggins: “So they were toilets is what you’re saying.”
84. 1:35:44 — Victory. The Grandmaster flies down to Snoop & Dog: “Have you fought bravely?” Snoop: “Yeah, bravely. Absolutely super brave.” She holds out her hand. Snoop reaches way up to take it. She flies him straight up and spins him around “like a carnival” so all the Acolytes can see, as they chant “Snoop & Dog! Snoop & Dog!” The fresh air returns and the farts in the arena dissipate: “That’s a victory on its own.” “Goodnight to D20 Deathmatch!”

Full Dried Blood notes (click to expand)

In character (canon, source: Dried Blood)

• 1:38:11 — Snoop’s sports interview. “You go in with a game plan. The coach has always got your back… The plan was from the beginning, take some shrooms. After that, really just feel out how it was going to go. Turn invisible, run away a whole lot. We gave 110%… we’re looking for the championship this year… I hope to be back real soon.”
• 1:38:59 On the lions: “We really just didn’t get much practice in. They were new to the team… And then Mcswiggins coming out of left field, immediately dunking one of those lions into Gerald. And here I thought Gerald and I were friends… Gerald owes me, like, at least insurance money payout on that.” He has to “go out onto the scouting grounds and find another companion.”
• 1:39:48 — Mcswiggins. “First of all, I thought his name was Greg” (Gerald). “Fuck that dude anyway.” He thinks it should have been a true 1v1, “but I’ve never been a Sir Loser, so I’m not gonna start now. I think the little guy was scrappy.” “For about 30 minutes there, I thought I was hallucinating on mushrooms. Then I remembered that this was in fact real and I didn’t take the mushrooms.” The GM invites him to take one now: “You’ve got time for eternity.”
• 1:41:14 — The Arbiter catches Mcswiggins (canon scene, narrated by Mudcat). Mcswiggins has been falling “for a while” through space and time, where time loses meaning. He takes the mushrooms and freaks out, and sees an angel-like figure above: the Arbiter catching up, flaring his wings, plunger in hand. Mcswiggins: “Mom?” Arbiter: “No. I mean, what’s your mom look like? Is she hot?” “I don’t know. She’s a nice lady.” “That’s good enough for me.” He sticks the plunger to Mcswiggins’ head, opens a portal and flies him into his lair. He sits him down, hands him a tankard of ale and says: “You stay right there. I’m going to have a use for you very soon.” The scene fades to black. (“Mystery. Magic.”)
• 1:45:16 — Snoop’s favorite moment (in character): the menagerie plan, with Dog “doing the work.” The shield shove “came to me in a bit of a vision… I’m gonna hit this man like a truck… Dog had to assist… and long live the king, the king is now me.” GM: “You can have a crown, but it just won’t be as big as mine.” Snoop: “My head is significantly smaller.”
• 1:46:18 — Mcswiggins’ favorite moment: “the mutual moment where we were both like, fuck that thing and wherever it came from. And in our own way, sort of teamed up against it.” Snoop praises the maneuver where Mcswiggins “got up around his neck to distract him.” (This is a generous retelling of the failed mount.) Arbiter: “Great tag team.”
• 1:47:38 Snoop’s parting message to the Acolytes (in-character register): “fucking stop with the farting. It’s disgusting… Most of you just do not need to be eating nachos, and the cheese is really ruining your digestive system.”

Out of character — creator notes

• 1:42:26 — The Aeorian Reverser. Mudcat found it on D&D Beyond that day while looking through monsters, because “Reverser” sounds like a wrestler name. It’s from Explorer’s Guide to Wildemount. Its stat details as read: a large monstrosity created by experimentation; doesn’t age; lusts for violence and attacks any creature it sees, but never harms its own kind; perfect recall of its life. It has magic resistance and a bite/claw multiattack. Its reversal reaction cancels healing within 30 ft and deals force damage instead. Caustic Phoenix: “It reverses you inside out”; “God of War on these creatures.” Robot: “Where the fuck is Aeoria?” Rob: “would have been pretty sweet if I could ride it.”
• Robot is learning D&D Beyond as he plays this character (“I don’t know what this character does, I’ll be honest”).
• Plugs: RunawayRobot_ (Twitter runawayrobot_) is a hireable DM. bonus_stage_rob (“your cool bisexual vacation dad,” Twitter/Twitch/Instagram bonus_stage_rob) is a writer, producer, TTRPG personality and GM with a “say yes” mentality (Pathfinder, Monster of the Week). Rob and Robot have played together before (“so glad you could play with me again”).