First appearance: S2E14 — Shrooms — Ulfgar Greyblade (Mcswiggins) v Snoop & Dog · watch it on YouTube
Snoop & Dog are a two-person (well, one-person) champion team: Snoop, a four-foot-six-and-a-half fighter who arrived high on magic mushrooms, and Dog, his scaly, lightning-breathing companion, whom Snoop insists is a dog despite being a silver dragon. They fought Ulfgar Greyblade, better known as Mcswiggins, in a lost plane full of forgotten things and falling farts. They won by shoving him down a hole. Along the way they made friends with the Box of Chaos, lost two lions and became an unlikely crowd favorite.
Story
Snoop and Dog entered the S2E14 — Shrooms — Ulfgar Greyblade (Mcswiggins) v Snoop & Dog Deathmatch at The Dread Fortress. Snoop wore heeled Italian leather shoes to look a couple of inches taller and introduced himself cheerfully: “Hi, I’m Snoop. This is my dragon dog. He’s a silver dragon.” He explained that Dog was the battle-hardened “backbone of this partnership.” When the Grandmaster asked how high he was, meaning his height, Snoop answered the other question: he had eaten magic mushrooms on the way in. The rest of his supply sat in Dog’s saddlebag. Purple ones made him light and happy, and red ones, Dog said, brought on “a blood frenzy.” He generously gave Mcswiggins the biggest one he had left. Mcswiggins was dismayed to learn he was fighting two opponents, and the Arbiter pointed out that “one’s not a person.”
The arena was a lost plane, with spongy, vine-crossed ground that the Grandmaster compared to a testicle. Fog drifted down from the Acolytes in the stands, who were farting. Snoop lost the opening roll, and as a consolation the Box of Chaos slammed down beside him. Snoop noted that “the last one I saw didn’t talk,” then offered the box some mushrooms. The Grandmaster and the Arbiter opened the fight by flying down with metal chairs. The Arbiter’s chair caught Mcswiggins in the middle of a very long piss against the arena wall, and Snoop took a scrape down the shin (“My fine Italian shoes”). While Mcswiggins raged and hunted for him, Snoop befriended the box, who introduced himself as Gerald. Snoop dumped both bags of shrooms inside. Gerald’s eyes turned into yellow spirals, and he went rummaging and came back with a pair of golden lion figurines. Snoop set both lions to guard his new friend (“Gerald is mine now”) and sent Dog around the back to bite ankles. Dog landed a perfect bite crackling with lightning. Snoop explained why he cared so much about ankles: “Because I’m very short and it’s all I can see.”
The menagerie fell apart quickly. Mcswiggins slam-dunked one lion into the Box of Chaos, and Gerald, hungry from the mushrooms, ate it. He spat out the bones and gave Mcswiggins a lion tattoo for his trouble. Snoop felt betrayed (“I thought we were bros, Gerald”). He then took an axe hit, accepted a friendly handshake that turned into a sucker punch, and stabbed back in a rage, his voice rising with every word. Then he turned invisible and fled while Mcswiggins shouted, “I can hear him! My god, I will never stop hearing him!” The Acolytes’ fart fog ended the vanishing act: Mcswiggins breathed it like home air, but Snoop choked, threw up and reappeared. The surviving lion drank Mcswiggins’ melted beer-ice, missed badly, and was retired by the Grandmaster to a seat next to Doug the Pug, where it fell asleep drunk. Snoop took his complaint to Gerald (“You gave me two defective lions, and he got a sick tattoo!”). Gerald answered that lions “can either be ferocious or they can fit in your pocket. You can’t have both,” and vanished. Before all that, Snoop had gone all out. He apologized to Mcswiggins, climbed onto Dog, and stabbed downward as Dog leapt, clearly on a red mushroom now. “Dog, unleash the lightning!” brought a cone of lightning from Dog’s jaws.
Then the ground shook, a hole opened, and an Aeorian Reverser climbed out. When it lunged to tear into Dog, Snoop threw himself in front and kicked his companion clear (“Dog, I’ve got you!”). The Grandmaster cheered “A hero point for the animals!” Snoop called a truce with Mcswiggins against “this dude.” Dog landed another perfect bite, Mcswiggins tried to ride the monster and was thrown, and Snoop finished the Reverser with a perfect strike to the throat. During a polite break, called so Mcswiggins could go piss into the hole, Snoop shared Mcswiggins’ flask with Dog and gave his companion a corner pep talk. When the fight resumed, Snoop charged with his shield and shoved Mcswiggins into the hole: “Down the toilet! Put that piece of shit where he belongs!” Mcswiggins caught the rim, his hands soaked with dribble, and Snoop seized his hands for a “Long live the king!” moment. Dog latched onto Mcswiggins’ feet, and Mcswiggins fell, planning to take one fighter with him. Snoop clapped Dog back to his side, and the Arbiter dove in after Mcswiggins with a plunger. The Grandmaster flew Snoop high above the arena and spun him “like a carnival” as the Acolytes chanted “Snoop & Dog!” The farts cleared at last. In his after-show interview, Snoop summed up the game plan: “take some shrooms… Turn invisible, run away a whole lot.” He also felt Gerald owed him “at least insurance money payout” on the lions.
Personality and Abilities
Snoop is small, sweet-natured and permanently a little baked. He goes with the flow (“the world takes care of everything”), offers mushrooms to everyone, and believes pets “can really help with your mental health.” He has never done a Deathmatch before and has a “minor panic attack” mid-fight. He is touchy about his height: he wears heels and stands on his toes, and he cheerfully claimed the crown afterwards (“the king is now me”). Pushed far enough, he gets loud, profane and surprisingly vicious. He fights with a spear and shield and can ride Dog into battle. He knows “a little bit of magic,” enough to turn invisible, and he knows how to shove a man into a hole like “a truck.” He relies on Dog for his day-to-day routine and sometimes calls him “Doug” by mistake, which Mcswiggins seized on: “You don’t even know his name.”
Dog says only “Woof.” He is a scaly, hairless silver dragon who bites ankles with lightning-charged teeth, breathes lightning in a wide cone, guards ground on command, and returns to Snoop’s side when Snoop claps. The Grandmaster called him “a dog that’s not a dog,” and Dog was declared “the real MVP.”
Relationships
- Mcswiggins: Snoop’s opponent, his “favorite enemy,” and briefly his ally against the Reverser. Snoop flushed him down the hole.
- Gerald: Snoop’s mushroom buddy, who handed over the lions, then ate one of them and left.
- The Arbiter: bet on Snoop and gave him a small boost “for being truthful,” calling him an honorable fighter.
- The Grandmaster: lifted the victorious Snoop over the crowd and promised him a crown, “but it just won’t be as big as mine.”
- Doug the Pug: barked back at Dog. Snoop called him a “non-dog” and “a very cute lizard,” and Doug nursed Snoop’s retired lion.
Memorable Quotes
“Hi, I’m Snoop. This is my dragon dog. He’s a silver dragon.” (S2E14 — Shrooms)
“Down the toilet! Put that piece of shit where he belongs!” (S2E14 — Shrooms)
- “Because I’m very short and it’s all I can see.” (S2E14 — Shrooms)
- “Gerald, what the fuck, dude? You gave me two defective lions, and he got a sick tattoo!” (S2E14 — Shrooms)
- “You’re goddamn right I’m taking the damage for Dog… Dog, go on without me.” (S2E14 — Shrooms)
- “I feel like they’re cheating up there. Like, we’re supposed to be fighting each other, and they send this monster in after us, and you’re not even paying attention to me anymore.” (S2E14 — Shrooms)