First appearance: S3E5, Edge Lords - Captain Fable v Verryn Ruth · watch it on YouTube
Captain Fable is an eight-foot minotaur in pirate attire with a deathly necromantic aura. He is a fallen paladin who swore vengeance on every god after they ignored him while his crew was slaughtered. He was pulled into The Void for one Deathmatch against the tiefling warlock Verryn Ruth, and he won it by taking off Verryn’s head. He is also a storyteller with a soft spot for dogs, and he insists he is a bull, not a cow. He has feelings, and he will tell you so.
Story
S3E5, Edge Lords - Captain Fable v Verryn Ruth
Fable arrived in the throne room of The Dread Fortress on a day when the Grandmaster could not choose between five thrones. He took the summons in stride: “if the gods want me to play their games once more, then I must abide if I wish to slay them all.” Asked what throne he would sit on, he said one of riches, skulls and “lots and lots of alcohol,” mounted on a ship “worthy of sailing all of the seas.” The Grandmaster loved the idea of a built-in bar. The Arbiter then opened a portal to the overgrown ruins of a long-forgotten cathedral in a swamp. The place smelled like farts and death, bones surfaced underfoot, and soon a waist-high fog hid the ground.
Fable opened with a question for his opponent: “Where exactly does your strength come from?” Verryn said he drew his power from the abyss and from chaos itself. Fable called that “strings attached to a puppet.” With electricity crackling in his eyes, Fable sensed the dead stirring beneath the moss and dragged his massive buster sword through the dirt to wrap himself in a necrotic shroud. Skeletal arms clawed out of the ground. They belonged to a graveyard of well-dressed dead, including George Washington and “Abraham Lincoln, the vampire hunter.” On the Grandmaster’s suggestion, Fable chose President Taft, a skeleton with “bathtub-shaped bones” and enormous hips. He peeled off one glove to reveal a skeletal necromantic hand, ordered the dead man to “join my crew,” and put a little pirate captain’s hat on him.
The fight was not kind to Fable’s ego. Verryn threw an illusory voice chanting “Bitch, I’m a cow” in Fable’s direction. A gang of mean children in the stands then roasted both champions, and Fable roared back, “I am not a cow. I am a bull. Fear me.” The words still hurt. In between, he coaxed Doug down from the Grandmaster’s side with a bone from a corpse and petted him: “I may be like angry all the time, but I have a soft spot.” Doug finished the bone, and his noxious fart rocket-propelled him back up to the Grandmaster’s throne on a green line of air. He traded a barely used blunderbuss to Gerald in The Box of Chaos for the Far Realm Shard, a crystal that tears slimy tentacles through reality. Gerald then informed him the blunderbuss had been appraised as “kind of a collectible.” Later, Fable wandered into a glowing mushroom and shrank. The table cheered that he was “finally a minotaur,” and the Grandmaster ruled that minitaurs are a chaotic event in and of themselves. Taft held his tiny captain aloft in one hand while Fable bellowed “CHALLENGE!”
Verryn raised a shadow from Fable’s own shadow and filled it with despair. In that moment Fable’s past came out. He had once been a happy pirate captain and paladin, “causing chaos and mischief across the lands,” until enemies surrounded his ship and killed his crew on all sides until he was the only one left. He called on the goddess of the sea, the god of the storm and every pantheon, and none of them answered. The Acolytes wept so hard their tears rained on the arena. When Fable grew back to full size while Taft was still holding him up by his butt cheeks, the regrowth snapped off one of Taft’s hands. Verryn then plunged the field into magical darkness, and the Arbiter loosed a swarm of bats that tore Taft apart. Fable gave his fallen crewmate a short eulogy: “You will be remembered.” In the final round, memories of his dead men washed over him. Skeletal hands burst from the ground and chained Verryn in place, and Fable’s second swing came down with a thunderclap and a bolt of lightning that buried the blade in Verryn’s neck. He offered the dying warlock a place in his skeletal crew. Verryn flipped him off instead, and Fable answered, “Devoted to your foolish ideals. Respect,” before cutting off his head. The Grandmaster rewarded him with a black-sailed ship bearing a gold crown emblem, a reminder that “the strength comes from unity.” Fable took its throne and gathered his crew to tell them “a D20 Deathmatch fable.”
Afterwards, Fable left the Acolytes with a creed: “Your strength does not come from outside forces. You determine whether you are strong or not.” He also had one last question: “Hey, does anybody know where Doug is? I still have a bone.”
Personality and Abilities
Fable is a towering minotaur dressed as a pirate, wrapped in a necromantic aura. Under one glove he hides a skeletal undead hand. His face can flash briefly undead and wicked when his power surges. He talks in grim, edgy proclamations about blood and vengeance. He is also a born storyteller who introduces himself with “let me tell you a fable,” and his anger cracks easily into wounded sincerity. Insults about being a cow genuinely hurt him. He admits he doesn’t even know what he is: “the gods took that from me as well.” He also keeps some integrity in a fight, even honestly reminding his opponent of a bonus Verryn had forgotten.
His creed is strength in unity, never from higher powers. His crew has no leader, and all of them are equal. He fights with a massive buster greatsword and javelins charged with lightning, and he loves thunder and lightning in general. He can sense the undead, cloak himself in a necrotic shroud, bend corpses to his will, radiate an aura of hatred that strengthens undead allies, and bring his blade down with a thunderous smite. He carries corpse bones as treats for any dog that needs one. From this fight he gained the Far Realm Shard and his new ship.
Relationships
- Verryn Ruth: His opponent, a “patron-worshipping” warlock whose power Fable scorned. Fable beheaded him after Verryn refused to join his crew.
- Taft: The presidential skeleton Fable raised and named a member of his crew. Taft died to the bats, and Fable mourned him.
- Doug: Fable won him over with a corpse bone and petted him in front of the jeering crowd.
- Gerald: Took Fable’s blunderbuss in trade for the Far Realm Shard, then pointed out it wasn’t really free.
- The Grandmaster: Took his skeletal hand without flinching (“Strong hand”) and gifted him a new ship.
Memorable Quotes
“I don’t think you understand. They took everything from me. My name, my crew, my life. I have no past, but my future will be forged in blood. Yours.” (Edge Lords)
- “Then you are a fool for accepting such power. It is not strength, but it’s strings attached to a puppet.” (Edge Lords)
- “I do not know your name, nor your presidential history. Regardless, you will aid me in this fight whether you like it or not.” (Edge Lords)
- “What the hell is this? Damned tricks… I’m not a cow. I don’t even know what I am. The gods took that from me as well.” (Edge Lords)
- “I found that thing in just some random abandoned haunted house. Ah, son of a bitch. I’m going to have to yell at Moana eventually.” (Edge Lords)
- “Devoted to your foolish ideals. Respect.” (Edge Lords)