First appearance: S2E7 - Hand to Hand Combat, Bargo v Carn · watch it on YouTube
The minitaurs are miniature minotaurs, a few inches tall, that burst out of the ground whenever the Grandmaster decides a Deathmatch needs more tiny horns in it. They are fierce, armed and completely outmatched. Champions have blown them off cliffs, greased them and had their toes massaged by them, and the second horde ended the night living in the stands. They are one of the Grandmaster’s own chaos events, and she is a little touchy about them.
Story
S2E7 - Hand to Hand Combat, Bargo v Carn
The minitaurs first appeared as one of the Grandmaster’s brand-new chaos events. Pebbles shook, little tunnels burrowed underfoot, and up popped a dozen tiny minotaurs: “baby minotaurs, but a certain unique breed that have evolved within these dark caverns.” A single regular-sized minotaur crawled up alongside them, and the champions were invited to decide which was more fearsome. Carn picked the one big minotaur. The Grandmaster then counted only eleven minitaurs and laughed that she “might be on some hallucinogens.”
Bargo was not charmed. He blasted the little creatures on the bridge with a cone of wind, and four of them tumbled screaming off the ledge. “They cry for their mom and I laugh,” he said. When offered the chance to work out whether they really were babies, he declined. The Grandmaster agreed: “Don’t ask questions you don’t want to know the answers to.”
The survivors charged Bargo with their mini axes. One stayed behind, stunned, and had come to adore him. Bargo dropped to one knee inside a little magical bubble, and the horde screamed at him from the other side, “almost like a small rager.” He laughed and coated them in a slick of grease. All huddled together and “oiled up… slick and shiny,” the minitaurs slid around as if they were dancing and grabbed onto each other in a chain. Then the worst possible luck struck. One slipped over the edge, and because they were all holding hands, the whole chain went into the chasm. “Even the one that adored you,” the Grandmaster noted.
Carn pointed out that Bargo could still save his admirer. Bargo’s answer was firm:
“Bargo’s gonna let go. Bargo don’t want to risk it.” (Bargo)
“Don’t let anything hold you back,” said the Grandmaster. “It’s very pragmatic,” the Arbiter agreed. Carn later set fire to the grease where the minitaurs had been soaked.
S7E4 — The Cheese — Sila v Ol’ Pumpernicklejack
The minitaurs returned in far greater numbers during the fight between Sila and Ol’ Pumpernicklejack in a graveyard arena. Tiny white spikes pushed up through the ground around an open grave, “as if it were reverse-perforated.” Then came claws and hooves: hundreds of minitaurs, each about three inches tall, swarming to drag the champions down into the graves. Both champions shrugged them off easily. The minitaurs poked and stabbed at their toes, which felt like a great foot massage.
Jack wondered aloud, “Would you rather fight one giant-sized minotaur or a thousand minitaurs?” The Grandmaster told him he now had his answer. Between his toes, a single sword-wielding minitaur kept stabbing and stabbing and stabbing, and Jack chanted “mini-mini-mini…” at it.
The Grandmaster had had enough. “All right, we have insulted my minitaurs enough,” she declared. With a wave of her hand she raised a great breeze that swept the whole swarm into the stands. “Congratulations, chat. You are now inundated with thousands of minitaurs.” She likened it to sweeping dirt under the rug, “except into the fans,” and lamented that she was “0 for 2 for my cool, normal, awesome statements, but also my chaotic events.” The Arbiter quickly told The Acolytes that he had “no hand in that chaotic event.”
The minitaurs did not have an easy time in the crowd. Later in the fight the stands descended into chaos, with blue slushies flying, drunken Acolytes ripping off their clothes, and fans fighting and stomping on the minitaurs among them.
Personality and Abilities
Minitaurs look like baby minotaurs shrunk down to a few inches, with horns, claws and hooves. They burrow up from below, pushing tiny white spikes through the earth before they emerge. They fight in swarms with miniature weapons, mostly mini axes (“They don’t have great axes”) and at least one sword. They attack with real enthusiasm, but they lack the strength to drag down a determined champion or to get past even a simple magical shield.
They scream, cry for their mothers when things go wrong, and cling together under pressure, sometimes literally and with fatal results. At least one proved capable of real devotion, taking a shine to the very champion who was hurling its fellow minitaurs into a chasm.
Relationships
- Grandmaster Elusia Skypiercer: Their summoner in the arena, who calls them “my minitaurs,” defends their honor, and finally swept them into the audience.
- Bargo: Their first and most ruthless foe. He blew them off a ledge and greased them, and one minitaur adored him anyway. He let it fall.
- Ol’ Pumpernicklejack: Asked the giant-minotaur-or-thousand-minitaurs question and chanted at the one stabbing between his toes.
- Sila: Resisted their attempt to drag her into a grave and enjoyed the foot massage.
- The Acolytes: Now share the stands with thousands of minitaurs, and have been stomping on them.
- The Arbiter: Firmly denied any involvement in their second appearance.
Memorable Quotes
- “Baby minotaurs, but a certain unique breed that have evolved within these dark caverns.” (the Grandmaster, S2E7)
- “Even the one that adored you.” (the Grandmaster, S2E7)
- “Bargo’s gonna let go. Bargo don’t want to risk it.” (Bargo, S2E7)
- “Would you rather fight one giant-sized minotaur or a thousand minitaurs?” (Ol’ Pumpernicklejack, S7E4)
- “All right, we have insulted my minitaurs enough.” (the Grandmaster, S7E4)
- “Congratulations, chat. You are now inundated with thousands of minitaurs.” (the Grandmaster, S7E4)