First appearance: S1E5, The 2v2 - Chuck Solid Gold Dragon Biff & Richardo v Steely Dan & Thass’Lok · watch it on YouTube
Richardo is a lizardfolk ranger with a bullfighter’s flair, a spectral bull named Bull One, and a promise of “violence and love, and maybe some sex.” He fought in the first two-versus-two Deathmatch in the arena’s history, in S1E5, The 2v2 - Chuck Solid Gold Dragon Biff & Richardo v Steely Dan & Thass’Lok. He flirted with switching sides, betrayed both of his opponents, healed his partner anyway, and walked out a co-champion. Along the way he landed a blow on the Grandmaster herself.
Story
Richardo was one of four champions the Arbiter pulled out of a rip in space and into the Dread Fortress. The occasion was a special charity show the Grandmaster agreed to put on for a friend, the Dreaded GM. Richardo introduced himself with a pose and a promise: “My name is Richardo, and I am here to regale you with a spectacle of violence and love, and maybe some sex, huh? But first, I’m going to kill you with my good looks.” The Arbiter wanted actual killing, so Richardo summoned a giant spectral bull, produced a red cloth and cried “Olé!” It was the first bull ever seen in the Fortress. Richardo explained that he had only just made it, so “we’ll call him Bull One.” The Grandmaster promised to have the name embroidered on a collar. Richardo then rolled high when the champions drew for partners and was paired with the dragonborn wrestler Chuck Solid Gold Dragon Biff against the warforged Steely Dan and his fellow lizardfolk Thass’Lok.
The arena was The Clock of the Lost, a towering column of grinding gears. Richardo stumbled badly at the start but kept his feet and went last. Thass’Lok opened by appealing to their shared blood: “You are the same breed… These teams mean nothing.” Richardo cheerfully agreed to “new teams” and said he would wait and watch. On his turn, though, he leapt into empty air, blinked thirty feet across the gears and put an arrow straight through the middle of Steely Dan’s cassette. “That was an original mixtape,” Dan protested. “I had no idea. I’m so sorry,” Richardo replied. Over the next rounds he marked Dan as his quarry, shot a giant mushroom instead of eating it (spores pooped out of it in a poison cloud), and sent Bull One charging to ram Dan into the spores. The Grandmaster started chanting “Bull One, Bull One, Bull One,” and later admitted the bull “might have my heart right now.”
Richardo’s loyalties kept shifting. Midway through the fight he declared, “what is a good show? A drama without a little betrayal. I’m sorry, but also not sorry,” and threw up a wall of howling wind across both Steely Dan and Thass’Lok. Then he dropped his bow and charged with both short swords, screaming. When a haunted doll appeared in the arena, Richardo’s reaction was immediate: “Holy shit, what is that doll? And I’m going to shoot it.” Dan threw himself in front of the arrow, befriended the doll, and she later bit Richardo to feed his blood to her new best friend. Before that bite, Richardo put an arrow into the doll and summoned a healing spirit beside “my original comrade” Chuck: “I may have to kill you after, but for now, we need to take out that doll.” Chuck answered with “that 80s end-of-the-movie nod,” and the partnership held.
During a chaos event, every weapon in the arena turned into a fluffy pillow. Richardo, torn between his sometime ally Thass’Lok and the teammate who kept calling him “Richard,” settled the matter by turning on someone else entirely. “Brothers, why should we fight amongst ourselves and not take it against our oppressors?” he asked, and fired his pillow bow at the Grandmaster. Her own pillowcase turned out to be full of quarters. She failed to let go in time and clobbered the Arbiter instead, and Richardo’s pillow hit her square in the face. “Yes, I feel much better,” he said. Moments later Bull One, now a pillow bull with pool noodles on its horns, body-slammed Steely Dan to death. Chuck finished off Thass’Lok by clubbing him with Dan’s body. As the Grandmaster took the winners’ hands, she asked whether his name was Ricardo. “Yes, it has always been Ricardo. Don’t worry about it,” he said. Chuck apologized for calling him Richard the whole time, and Richardo graciously admitted he’d been calling Chuck “Chuck” (which is Chuck’s actual name).
Personality and Abilities
Richardo is a showman first and a killer second. He thinks of the Deathmatch as theater and keeps steering the fight toward drama, romance and spectacle. He loves a flourish: the red cape, the “Olé!”, the screaming charge. He apologizes politely to anyone he has just shot. His loyalties are fluid and his motives are mostly vibes. He sided with his fellow lizardfolk, betrayed him, healed his partner and then attacked the host, all with complete sincerity. At the table, his player admitted that Richardo was “a giant stereotype,” and that Bull One’s name was a pun on “Bull Juan.”
In battle he is a ranger who fights with a bow and two short swords. He can blink short distances through the air, mark a target as his quarry, raise a wall of wind and call up a healing spirit for his allies. His greatest asset is Bull One, a spectral bull he summons on the spot. Bull One charges, rams and, when the occasion calls for it, body-slams enemies to death in pillow form. Richardo’s luck swung wildly all match: he stumbled out of the gate, then rolled a natural 20 exactly when the haunted doll arrived. As the Grandmaster pointed out, that left him “the only one still with full health on the field.”
Relationships
- Chuck Solid Gold Dragon Biff: His 2v2 partner and co-champion. Chuck called him “Richard” throughout, and Richardo healed him even after his betrayals. Chuck thanked him at the end “for not turning his back on me.”
- Thass’Lok: A fellow lizardfolk who urged Richardo to drop the teams. They became briefly allied, then Richardo hit him with a wind wall. Thass’Lok later rejoined forces with him despite “your betrayal, Ricardo.”
- Steely Dan: His main target from the first arrow, which destroyed Dan’s original mixtape. Bull One ultimately killed him.
- Grandmaster Elusia Skypiercer: His host. She adored Bull One and was building the bull its own cape. Richardo, in turn, shot her in the face with a pillow.
- The Arbiter: The one who brought him to the Void. The Arbiter got hit with the Grandmaster’s sack of quarters when she swung it at Richardo’s pillow.
Memorable Quotes
“My name is Richardo, and I am here to regale you with a spectacle of violence and love, and maybe some sex, huh?” (S1E5, The 2v2)
- “I just made him, but we’ll call him Bull One.” (S1E5, The 2v2)
- “You have been allies, but also enemies. And what is a good show? A drama without a little betrayal. I’m sorry, but also not sorry.” (S1E5, The 2v2)
- “Brothers, why should we fight amongst ourselves and not take it against our oppressors?” (S1E5, The 2v2)
- “Yes, it has always been Ricardo. Don’t worry about it.” (S1E5, The 2v2)
“I know that I said there would be violence followed by sex, so I hope we can make that happen. Also, we all know who the true winner is. Bull won, so thank you.” (S1E5, The 2v2)