Gerald is the personality living in The Box of Chaos: a talking chest that slams down into the arena, takes whatever a desperate champion offers, and spits back something wonderful or ridiculous. He is touchy about his name, nursing a broken heart, and quietly worried about his job. During the Battle for the Crown, he handed out gifts in two fights, and the Arbiter blamed him loudly for losing one of them.
Story
Battle for the Crown Round 1
Gerald made a dramatic entrance in S2E18 · Battle for the Crown Round 1 · Team Grandmaster (Toddleheim & Veronica) v Team Arbiter (Ralzamon & …. When Glub Glub’s club cracked Veronica’s bones, the narration described the moment: “a certain box perceives the sounds of your broken bones. And slams down from the sky in the middle of the arena.” The box reached out a hand to steady her as she fought off a paralyzing spell. She didn’t recognize him (“Oh, okay. Thanks, box.”), and she broke free without needing his help. The Arbiter was unimpressed: “Just like Gerald to, you know, come in and make no difference.”
Later, while Toddleheim drew the enemy’s attacks, Veronica walked to the box, and Gerald was overjoyed to see her. “Veronica! You never called!” He reminded her that they’d had a good time together and that he’d given her a tattoo. When she showed it to him, it had no name on it. Gerald decided she must have had it lasered off. Veronica had lost all memory of him, and Gerald could only offer, “I have a forgettable face.” She assured him he did not. Glub Glub shouted, “Hey, quit playing with your box and come fight me.”
Veronica offered her Ring of Evasion. Gerald thought he might once have given her that very ring, but couldn’t be sure, because it looked like a lot of other rings. As she handed it over, she touched his hand the same way she had the first time they met, without knowing she was doing it, and he stopped and shuddered. Her roll on the box’s table came up 67, “just too short of 69.” The box slammed shut, shook, and opened again. A column of fire shot to the sky, and a silver Horn of Valhalla floated out in Gerald’s hand. “This is my horn. You just have to blow on it.” Veronica asked, “Are you saying you’re horny for me?” Glub Glub, who had been watching, offered: “I thought horns go in boxes. No? Glub Glub very confused.”
The two shared a broken, awkward moment of eye contact. Veronica told him to call her sometime. Gerald admitted he “might be out of a job soon,” and she promised that if she won, the Grandmaster would surely keep him on. He apologized for wasting her time and closed the lid. As he did, Veronica noticed “the G and V engraved on the side” and thought it was weird. After Team Grandmaster won, the Arbiter fumed: “You only won because Gerald decided to help Veronica.” The Grandmaster refused to penalize anyone for using the box, calling it “one variable of many.”
Battle for the Crown Round 2
Gerald didn’t appear in S2 Ep19, Battle for the Crown Round 2 - Team Grandmaster (Cosmonius & Locket) v Team Arbiter (Silky Slim & …, but he was still on the Arbiter’s mind. The Arbiter opened the show by accusing the Grandmaster of “letting Gerald let your champions cheat last week.” She replied that it was a random draw, not cheating, and that his champions died because he picked weak ones.
Battle for the Crown Round 3
In S2E20 — Battle for the Crown Round 3 — Flynry & Prof. Stabbz v Thornabub & Mcswiggins, a bloodied Mcswiggins demanded to know where the “talking treasure chest” was. The Arbiter snapped his fingers and the box slammed down beside him. Mcswiggins knocked and asked for Greg. “It’s Gerald… You look like shit.” Mcswiggins then offered the corpse of his fallen teammate Thornabub, whom he insisted on calling Satan. Gerald accepted: “I have a couple of corpses already, but I could use another.”
It turned out to be a trick. Before the fight, Thornabub had cast a death-cheating ward on both himself and Mcswiggins, and he woke up inside the box, drifting in yellow and pink flames. He threatened to tear Gerald apart from the inside. Mcswiggins tried to help by assuring him that “Jim is cool,” which did not. Gerald protested that this wasn’t how things worked, and Thornabub replied, “I’m inside you now and I’m still alive.” He overpowered Gerald anyway. “Calm your tits, bud. I don’t want any trouble.” Thornabub demanded the most powerful spell Gerald had and threatened to animate his corpse collection. Gerald, who had only just acquired them, handed over a scroll of the most powerful kind of magic and begged, “Listen, just promise never to come back.” The flames restored both champions a little and spat them out of the box. The Arbiter called the trick “an insurance policy.”
Gerald dealt with the other side too. When Flynry offered him a piece of writing, Gerald read it slowly: “Fuck is this, a Nicholas Sparks book?” The Grandmaster corrected him: “That is poetry and you will honor that as greatness.” Gerald paid out anyway. A column of fire bent down and dropped a Tome of Clear Thought at Flynry’s feet, which left him sharper and quicker. In the words of Flynry’s player: “Flynry’s a bit less of a dumbass than he was before.”
Personality and Abilities
Gerald is a box with a hand, a voice and a grudge about being forgotten. He insists on his name every time someone gets it wrong, and people get it wrong often: Greg, Jeffrey and Jim so far. He is sentimental and a little pathetic, still carrying a torch for Veronica and wearing their initials on his side. He also has the nervous air of someone who suspects his job is in danger. At one point he was seen wearing Mcswiggins’s “back in 30 minutes” sign.
His rule is simple: “you have to put something inside me. And then I give you something.” The box reportedly holds thousands of items. His gifts arrive with fire, as the lid flips open and a column of flame shoots skyward. He can sense trouble in the arena, such as the sound of breaking bones, and arrive on his own, or he can be summoned with a snap of the Arbiter’s fingers. He is not much of a fighter. A determined champion inside him can bully him into handing over whatever they want.
Relationships
- Veronica: Gerald believes they had a fling and that he gave her a tattoo. She has no memory of him, but she still asked him to call her.
- The Arbiter: summons the box at will and blamed Gerald for Team Arbiter’s loss in Round 1.
- Grandmaster Elusia Skypiercer: defended the box as a fair part of the arena and scolded Gerald for mocking Flynry’s poetry.
- Thornabub: woke up inside Gerald, threatened him and walked away with a scroll of powerful magic.
- Mcswiggins: never got Gerald’s name right and offered him Thornabub’s “corpse.”
- Flynry: received a Tome of Clear Thought in exchange for his poetry.
- Glub Glub: heckled Gerald and Veronica’s reunion.
Memorable Quotes
“Veronica! You never called!” (S2E18 · Battle for the Crown Round 1)
- “I have a forgettable face.” (S2E18 · Battle for the Crown Round 1)
- “Well, you have to put something inside me. And then I give you something.” (S2E18 · Battle for the Crown Round 1)
- “I might be out of a job soon. I don’t know what’s happening here.” (S2E18 · Battle for the Crown Round 1)
- “I have a couple of corpses already, but I could use another.” (S2E20 · Battle for the Crown Round 3)
- “Calm your tits, bud. I don’t want any trouble.” (S2E20 · Battle for the Crown Round 3)
Appearances
- S2E18 · Battle for the Crown Round 1 · Team Grandmaster (Toddleheim & Veronica) v Team Arbiter (Ralzamon & …
- S2 Ep19, Battle for the Crown Round 2 - Team Grandmaster (Cosmonius & Locket) v Team Arbiter (Silky Slim & …
- S2E20 — Battle for the Crown Round 3 — Flynry & Prof. Stabbz v Thornabub & Mcswiggins