First appearance: S3E8, The Gauntlet 2 - Floyd of the Pink & Luci v Hurdey & Gurdi · watch it on YouTube
Hurdey is a bipedal humanoid bear who came to the Void with a red bird named Gurdi riding in his backpack, peering over his shoulder. Together they ran the Grandmaster’s handmade Gauntlet against Floyd of the Pink and Luci. Along the way they stole a ship, scatted a duet for the dead, and called in a favour from a poorly designed construct shark. Hurdey’s story ends in one of the arena’s stranger heartbreaks: the treasure demanded the heart of an ally, and his own partner was the one who burned it.
Story
Hurdey and Gurdi stepped out of the Arbiter’s portal into fog, smoke and laser lights, speaking a language nobody could follow. The Grandmaster translated it as “I’m here for victory and for death!” but admitted she missed the rest. The problem was solved when Gurdi dug a super-large candy out of the backpack, ate one and wing-fed another to Hurdey, granting them both “the gift of speech.” Their first understandable words were threats to tear their rivals’ heads off and bathe in their blood, to lay eggs in their stomachs and to put a bear claw right through an eye socket, plus a promise to find the fedora Floyd had supposedly shoved up his ass. The Arbiter was not sure whether this was an improvement. At the island tavern, a drinking challenge that the bartender turned into Flippy Cup stood between each team and its treasure map. Hurdey did the chugging, once two drinks at a time and once balancing a pint on his head, while Gurdi did the flipping, complete with a wings-out backflip and a dab. When Floyd soaked their table with a perfect final flip, Gurdi’s last flip failed and Hurdey paid for it with a bit of his nimbleness.
The fight broke out before anyone left the tavern. Gurdi “sneezed” a gout of flame at the rivals’ map, and Floyd answered with a frosty pat on the back. Hurdey caught that cold in a golden-feather glow from Gurdi’s wings and clawed it straight back at Floyd: “No hard feelings here.” The Grandmaster slammed down her goblet and ordered them out of her “adorable tavern,” whose papier-mâché patrons all had names and ages. A chaos event then turned Hurdey’s claws into a fluffy hibernation nest of moss. On the storm-wrecked docks, he charged through a horde of knife-wielding seagulls and tried to shove Luci off the pier. She simply refused to move. When his own ship’s anchor wouldn’t budge, Hurdey plucked one of Gurdi’s red feathers for a burst of speed. He leapt onto Floyd and Luci’s ship, hauled up their anchor and sailed off with their one-eyed pirate captain, flipping Gurdi upside down so the bird could flip their rivals the bird.
Out on the water, a Kraken burst up around the boats. Hurdey spent five golden feathers to ward Gurdi and harpooned a tentacle into pieces, scattering suction cups across the deck. Then he leaned over the rail and called in an old debt from Clanky, a metal construct shark with a golden tooth and a pointless blowhole, whose bites both missed. A giant golden butterfly then showed Hurdey, Gurdi and Luci “the butt in Butterfly,” crop-dusting them with a fart that burned their noses and let them taste what it had been eating. When his burst of speed wore off and left him sluggish, Gurdi’s legs ran them up the rigging and “flew” them to the island. There Hurdey shut down Floyd’s attempt to blow them into the Kraken’s waters, after Floyd called the pair “Hurdle and Gurdle.” The first riddle asked the dead for a song sung in twos. Both of them are skilled with the hurdy-gurdy, so they swapped to a long-necked string instrument and scatted at length. Floyd protested that this wasn’t singing. “Scatting is singing,” they replied, and it worked. Their focus on the music cost them a whole round, though, and the final riddle was grim: give the heart of your ally, burn their passion, and find the treasure.
“I think we have to kill each other,” Hurdey concluded. After one last leap that slammed Gurdi’s beak into the ground with a thunderclap, Gurdi launched an egg from his cloaca straight up. It curved back and struck Hurdey “straight in the heart,” then bloomed into a blast of fire. Hurdey asked if this was revenge for using Gurdi’s head to pound the ground. Gurdi said it was because Hurdey had said he didn’t like his music, and Hurdey willingly took the full blaze. As he died, his mind went quiet and the crackling sparks became little musical notes with faces, dancing around his head like cartoon birds.
“Well, I guess I’m not going to be in the sequel.” (Hurdey)
The Acolytes shed a tear like rain. His heart was gone, and only Gurdi could see the chests that appeared. Even in death, Hurdey’s golden-feather ward soaked up most of Luci’s first smite on Gurdi. Floyd later fed one of Hurdey’s leftover feet to a baby mimic. Gurdi fell too, but his severed wing touched the hidden gold first. The Grandmaster ruled that this technically won the match and that both souls would be at rest. Floyd and Luci were still standing, though, and they walked away the winners with the treasure, a golden body pillow.
Personality and Abilities
Hurdey is a big, gruff bear who handles a bird, and he is the muscle of the partnership. He charges, shoves, claws and harpoons while Gurdi does the acrobatics from the backpack. The two bicker like an old married couple (“Bird brain”) but can’t stay mad at each other for long, preferring to stay mad at everyone else. He is touchy about his weight, and when the Grandmaster asked how heavy he was, he shot back that he doesn’t ask her age. He also has a talent for intimidation by menu, threatening the knife seagulls with a dinner swap from turkey to seagull.
His magic comes from Gurdi’s plumage. Golden feathers give flashes of invulnerability and a protective ward, and red feathers give a burst of speed. He also carries a ready store of spells for blinking across distances and snuffing out his enemies’ magic. When the table called him a sorcerer, his player replied, “I’m not playing a sorcerer. I’m playing Hurdey.” He is skilled with the hurdy-gurdy, even if, by his own admission, the pair “can’t play instruments.”
Relationships
- Gurdi: his red-bird partner and backpack passenger, who carried him across the water and ultimately burned his heart to answer the riddle.
- Floyd of the Pink: his main rival in the Gauntlet, whose ship he stole and whose spells he swatted aside.
- Luci: Floyd’s satyr mistress, who refused to be shoved off the pier and finished off Gurdi.
- The Grandmaster: built the Gauntlet and scolded Hurdey and Gurdi for fighting in her tavern.
- The Kraken: the sea beast whose tentacles he harpooned on the way to the island.
Memorable Quotes
- “Very rude. I don’t ask you your age, Grandmaster.” (S3E8, The Gauntlet 2)
- “I had chicken for breakfast. I’m going to have turkey for dinner, but I’m happy to swap that out for seagull” (S3E8, The Gauntlet 2)
- “Clanky, remember that time we helped you out? Now it’s time to return the favor.” (S3E8, The Gauntlet 2)
- “My name is Hurdy Gurdy and you’re not going to do shit” (S3E8, The Gauntlet 2)
- “I think we have to kill each other.” (S3E8, The Gauntlet 2)
- “Oh, this is more painful than anything I’ve ever felt.” (S3E8, The Gauntlet 2)