First appearance: S3E8, The Gauntlet 2 - Floyd of the Pink & Luci v Hurdey & Gurdi · watch it on YouTube
Luci is a satyr paladin, played by mendarii. She entered the Void as the “Great Mistress” of Floyd of the Pink in the Grandmaster’s handmade treasure-hunt arena. She barely said a word, looked down her nose at everyone, and still landed the killing blow. She sacrificed her partner’s dearest possession to a riddle and smote a bird to death with a maul, and she walked away alive.
Story
The Gauntlet 2
Luci came through the Arbiter’s portal in S3E8, The Gauntlet 2 - Floyd of the Pink & Luci v Hurdey & Gurdi as one half of a team, facing the bear Hurdey and the red bird Gurdi who rode in his backpack. Floyd did the talking for her. He announced that she had found him “on street corners for no more than fifty pence” and taught him everything she knew. Luci rested a big maul on her shoulders, said nothing, and gave him a little smirk. The first challenge was a game of Flippy Cup in a busy island tavern. Luci drank (“I’m going to just shove it all down”) while Floyd did the flipping, and she flipped off the rival team for the whole of her third drink. When Gurdi fake-sneezed a gout of fire at their treasure map, she dodged it neatly. Once the Grandmaster had stopped the brawl in her “adorable tavern,” Luci asked her whether she had really made all the little papier-mâché patrons herself.
Outside, a burst of chaos turned every weapon into its owner’s sleeping pillow. Luci’s was a Pillow Pet in the shape of a little demonic goat-lamb, with glowing red eyes she used as a flashlight for trips to the bathroom at night. Down at the storm-broken docks, a horde of knife-wielding, helmeted seagulls slashed her badly. She tried to lock Gurdi in place with a holding spell, but the bird slipped free just in time. When Hurdey charged and tried to shove her off the pier, she simply didn’t budge. As the table put it: “She’s got fucking goat feet. She just stands there and is like, I’m not moving, bitch.”
In the next round, Luci sprinted, caught a rope and sprang across to Floyd’s dock “like a gazelle leaping over the plains.” She then summoned a spectral weapon onto the rivals’ boat, and it crushed Gurdi. Hurdey stole the team’s ship anyway. When Floyd bowed before her to enchant her hooves for walking on water, she pushed his face out of the way and strode off across the waves. Her spectral weapon struck one of the Kraken’s tentacles as hard as it possibly could. Even so, Gurdi set their sails on fire with an egg, a tentacle slammed down on their deck, and a giant golden butterfly farted on her, crop-dusting her until her nose burned and she could taste what it had been eating. In the final dash to the island, the “demonic ass looking satyr with fire behind me” leapt off a plank at the prow and arced twenty feet through the air. She landed walking on the water and danced past a slapping tentacle.
On the island, the dead demanded a song, and Luci put her arm around Floyd’s shoulders and swayed with him through “Oh, say can you see?” When the Arbiter raised a minotaur skeleton from the graveyard, Luci took on the final riddle, which asked for “the heart of your ally” to be burned. She volunteered Floyd’s anime body pillow: “I would like to cut it open and set it on fire on one of the pillars.” She cracked the minotaur’s bones with two swings of her maul and lit the pillow with the tinderbox, candles and incense she carried as “technically a religious person.” The pillow burned to ash, and nothing happened. “Wildly unfortunate,” she said. Hurdey worked out the riddle properly and died in Gurdi’s flames. While Floyd was busy getting his nipple bitten off by a baby mimic, Luci charged Gurdi and brought her maul down on his beak with a holy smite. Hurdey’s golden ward soaked up the first blow, but the second knocked Gurdi straight into a mimic’s jaws. His severed wing drifted down onto the hidden gold, so Gurdi technically claimed victory in death. Luci and Floyd, however, were the ones still standing, so the win was theirs, and Floyd took the treasure, a golden body pillow.
Personality and Abilities
Luci has pink-to-red hair, grayish-reddish skin and big jet-black antlers, and she wears a chain mail shirt. The table summed up her look as “hella infernal looking.” She is mostly silent and haughty, and she lets Floyd bow, gush and call her “my lady” while she watches with a smirk or a deadpan line. When she does speak, it is usually dry and unimpressed, as when he promised to flip for her “like I do on a regular basis” and she replied, “I don’t wanna know.”
She fights as a holy warrior with a “big boy maul,” summoned spectral weapons, holding magic and smites. As a satyr she has goat feet that Hurdey couldn’t shove off a pier, and she can make springing leaps across gaps, ropes and open water.
Relationships
- Floyd of the Pink: Her adoring servant and partner, who calls her “mistress” and says she found him on street corners for no more than fifty pence. She burned his waifu pillow without hesitation.
- Gurdi: Rival champion whom she killed with two smites of her maul.
- Hurdey: Rival champion who tried and failed to shove her into the sea, then stole her ship.
- The Grandmaster: Builder of the Gauntlet. Luci asked her whether she had made the tavern’s tiny patrons herself.
Memorable Quotes
- “I’m going to just shove it all down.” (S3E8)
- “You can’t fail and then be like, this is a counter spell!” (S3E8)
- “I would like to take Floyd’s body pillow. I would like to cut it open and set it on fire on one of the pillars.” (S3E8)
- “Wildly unfortunate. Well, I guess you know what we gotta do, bud.” (S3E8)
- “Hey, you paid 50 cents for this show, okay? Listen, he’s a cheap fighter.” (S3E8)