Baptiste

First appearance: Coriander Society, Fate of the Faithful Part 1 (A Crossover) · watch it on YouTube

Baptiste is a slender elf with silvery-white hair, a swishing cloak and more daggers than any one body should be able to hold. He serves the Faithful at their hideout in a blacksmith’s forge, and by his own account he is a knife smith, which in his case means “I just stab people.” He flirts with nearly everyone he meets and opens most conversations by asking whether he has ever stabbed them. Through all of it he became the unlikely sweetheart of Locket.

Story

Fate of the Faithful

Baptiste first appeared in Coriander Society, Fate of the Faithful Part 1 (A Crossover), when the crossover heroes arrived at the Faithful’s hideout. He was practicing in a corner near Frank, flipping daggers in both hands, and he winked at John Carmichael. John winked back. “You have beautiful eyes,” Baptiste told him, before turning to Asena to ask whether she had ever been stabbed by him. When she said no, he answered: “Yes, well, you know, only time will tell, I guess.” Lyrus then gave the newcomers a tour and a warning: “Don’t mind Baptiste over there. He’s not very good at anything but stabbing. It’s a useful tool for the right job. He’s kind of new, though.”

In Part 2, John asked that the “dagger person” leave them alone overnight. Lyrus assured him that Baptiste “usually gets tired from all of the stabbing practice around 9, 9:30.” Lyrus also explained over Frank’s breakfast of tanned hide and pineapple (the “Hawaiian boot”) that guests could only go out for food with Baptiste as their escort. John chose to stay in with the Hawaiian boot. Later, when John came back wearing Lyrus’s face and knocked “Shave and a Haircut,” Baptiste opened the door and asked who had taught him to knock. When Baptiste asked how long the disguise would last, John ran a finger up his longest dagger and tapped the hilt: “Probably about as long as you could stick that within somebody.” Baptiste was charmed. “Very interesting. I will call you.” When the group put their hands in together to seal their pact, Baptiste slipped his over the top: “We’d like to join whatever this is.”

His reputation spread fast. By Part 3, the Acolytes were playing a blessing named after him: the “Stabtiste” card, which favored stabbing and flirting alike. In the same episode, Lyrus praised the newcomer Circe as “a step above the rest” while looking down at Kenny. When Kenny asked what that was supposed to mean, Lyrus told him he should go practice with Baptiste.

When the heroes returned in Part 5, they found Baptiste had pinned one of the hideout’s only cushions to the wall with a knife and was using it for target practice. He kept throwing blades over his shoulder without looking. John told him they had fled and that Ralzamon would ruin everything, then admitted they had actually killed Ralzamon, and Baptiste could not tell whether he was joking. Among John’s farewell gifts, Baptiste received a vibronic knife from Lacunas, with a warning not to throw it at just anybody, because it was meant for a very personal stabbing. Baptiste stepped in very close.

“John Carmichael, all of my stabbings are personal.”

John leaned in and whispered, “I know.”

The Hall of Fates

In S2E17 — Fate of the Arbiter - The Hall of Fates, a hooded figure in a blue cloak lowered his hood in front of Locket, Toddleheim and Flynry. Flynry asked whether his name was Ryzand. “I am sorry, I don’t know what you’re talking about. I am Baptiste… I have never stabbed any of you before, have I?” He did a knife trick and threw a silver knife past Locket’s head into the wall, then winked. Locket, blushing under her fur, pulled it free and said, “I’ll keep this.” “I would have it no other way,” he replied. The knife was a pure silver dagger with a touch of magic in it.

He explained that Kenny had recruited him, though he forgot Kenny’s name. Kenny had promised there would be stabbing. Baptiste then gave a lecture on the finer points of the craft: stabbing at range, skinny blades and fat blades, twisting or not. He concluded that it was “more about the emotion than it is the knife itself.” Toddleheim asked whether they were still talking about knives, and Locket’s blush only deepened. Baptiste offered to teach Toddleheim, who suggested that Locket might be “a more preferential partner.” Baptiste took the refusal gracefully: “I guess a no is a no, but if you change your mind, I’ll be around.” At the table, the players decided he might be interested in several people at once, so Locket might still have a chance. He bowed, swished his cloak a little too much, and left for important stabbing business out on the streets.

When the trio planned their move against The Dread Fortress, Flynry suggested Baptiste as the expert at “making openings.” Lyrus disagreed: “he would like to believe himself a frontline penetrator… I think he’s soft inside… He’s more of the kind of guy you send to sneak around the back door.” As Kenny led the party out, Baptiste came in from a rough night and winked at both Locket and Toddleheim, each of whom believed the wink was meant only for them. Later, in the hall of mirrors, Locket glanced into one glass and saw Baptiste flipping his knife and winking at her. She felt a pull beyond her natural attraction to him, shrugged it off and walked on, still blushing.

Into the Mirror

In Into the Mirror, Session 1, the romance had clearly gone further. Some nights a rock hit Locket’s window, and below stood Baptiste in his flowing cloaks, calling on her “whether it’s warranted or not.” “Hello, my lady. Would you have any interest in practicing your stabbing?” Locket said it would be worth giving it a stab, and he promised, “My knives are sharp. And I have many a honing stone.” The Arbiter faded the scene out before it got too involved.

When Locket was teased that “a man named Baptiste” was in the area, she insisted they were “just… just friends.” Nobody believed her, especially since, as the Arbiter noted, “There’s a lot of dagger strikes in your headboard.” Locket later recalled that the last time she looked into the mirrors, she had seen “an elven gentleman” there.

Sugar Hills

In S7E10 — Thea’s Adventure, Baptiste was selling knives in Sugar Hills: very tall, very slender, very good-looking, in fine leathers, his belt covered in knives, with a stall of candy canes sucked down into shivs. He read Thea’s list for her and announced the next item was forty sharpened candy canes, exactly the number he had. Since she couldn’t open the trunk of her stolen car, he broke into it with a knife and loaded them himself. “If you need any more knives, you tell your friends that Baptiste sent you.” Thea promised she would never remember his name and drove off without paying. When he shouted after her, she closed her ear flaps.

Personality and Abilities

Baptiste is a slender elf with silvery-white hair, usually wrapped in a blue cloak that he swishes with far more drama than any situation calls for. Dozens of daggers hang from his belt and hide under his coat, and he never seems to run out of them. He throws them over his shoulder without looking, flips them idly in both hands, and practices every evening until he tires out around nine or half past. He treats stabbing as an art of feeling more than technique, and every conversation about knives soon turns into something else. His signature opener is asking people whether he has ever stabbed them, which may be a real question or a strange pickup line.

He flirts freely and with everyone, winking at friends and strangers alike. He takes rejection with good grace, and he keeps a gentlemanly courtliness even when throwing rocks at windows. Lyrus thinks he is good at little besides stabbing, and also that he is softer inside than he lets on. Among the Faithful, he answers the door and escorts guests whenever they leave the hideout. His gear includes his many daggers and the vibronic knife from Lacunas that John gave him. He gave his own silver dagger to Locket.

Relationships

• Locket: His great flirtation, which grew into a romance of late-night visits and “stabbing practice,” though she insists they are just friends.
• John Carmichael: A mutual flirtation; John gave him a vibronic knife for “a very personal stabbing.”
• Toddleheim: Baptiste offered to teach him stabbing; Toddleheim politely steered him toward Locket.
• Lyrus: His fellow Faithful, who calls him one-note but suspects he is “soft inside.”
• Kenny: Recruited him with the promise of stabbing; Baptiste still mixed up his name.
• Flynry: Found him “quite charming”; Baptiste suggested Flynry get his clawed arm checked out.
• Asena: He asked whether he had ever stabbed her, and told her only time would tell.

Memorable Quotes

• “I’m a knife smith by trade, and by knife smith I mean that I just stab people.” (S2E17 — Fate of the Arbiter - The Hall of Fates)
• “I’ve never stabbed you before, but I guess the day is still young.” (S2E17 — Fate of the Arbiter - The Hall of Fates)
• “Very interesting. I will call you.” (Coriander Society - Fate of the Faithful Part 2)
• “John Carmichael, all of my stabbings are personal.” (Coriander Society — Fate of the Faithful Part 5)
• “Hello, my lady. Would you have any interest in practicing your stabbing?” (Into the Mirror, Session 1)
• “My knives are sharp. And I have many a honing stone.” (Into the Mirror, Session 1)

Appearances

• S2E17 — Fate of the Arbiter - The Hall of Fates — Toddleheim, Locket and Flynry reach the Grandmaster
• Coriander Society, Fate of the Faithful Part 1 (A Crossover)
• Coriander Society - Fate of the Faithful Part 2 (A Crossover)
• Coriander Society - Fate of The Faithful Part 3 — A Crossover
• Coriander Society — Fate of the Faithful Part 5 (A Crossover)
• Into the Mirror, Session 1 (YouTube Parts 1–6 - Flynry Dies, Flynry Wakes, Flynry Walks, Survivors, Reflect…
• S7E10 — Thea’s Adventure (Thea’s Revenge, a one-shot)